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Carers of BPD sufferers - Carers UK Forum

Carers of BPD sufferers

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi all, I am new to this group! Just at my wit's end with my daughter who has been told she has an emotional personality disorder. I am the one and only person she speaks to, she refuses to see anyone else, but she does talk to people online.
I need friends with similar experiences to talk to!
Anyone out there :)
Hi is she getting any therapy, whether talking therapy (counselling) or medication?

how long has she been like this, and do you know what set it off, and is she getting worse. Will she actually socialise at all, or does she 'live in her bedroom'??? (So many young folk with MH do, alas, sigh.)

It's VERY difficult to have a son/daughter with any form of MH.

Don't make the mistake of 'enabling' her rather than 'supporting' her. The latter is focussed on moving her forward, the former simply allows them to stay where they are and make no effort to get better at all.
I have bpd,so glad she can talk to you maybe in time she will see someone its building confidence and trust in others,people with bpd as you know moods change fast on min ok next not and can lead to situations what are scary for us and also the person with bpd/epd,i hope your daughter is getting some professional help if your struggling contact gp or attend A and E and social services have a out of hrs service or if she has mh team speak to them.
Hi Miss_P. I am also new here! I have been caring for my girlfriend who was diagnosed with BPD for 6 years and have expierence in living with someone diagnosed with the illness. It's positive your daughter now has a diagnosis and hopefully both of you can start to understand how to go forward. My partner has described BPD as like walking around as if they are a raw nerve, extremely sensitive to feelings.

Here's a couple of things that I have found helpful.

1 it will be your daughters choice how to proceed, but always encourage them to talk about how they are feeling with somebody and seek help. I have found the best way to support somebody with BPD is to always listen to how they are feeling. You might not understand why they feel the way they do but it's very real to them so try your best to understand it, validate it and empathize with them. Hopefully they will feel like you fully support them, care and have their best interests at heart.

2 Avoid telling them how they should be feeling as they might perceive this as you not listening or caring, even if you do care. Instead if you are in a situation where she is upset or angry, the best thing I find is to keep calm and instead of using statements like "You are..." or "You should..." try to de-escalate things by letting them finish and saying "I'm sorry you feel like that.", "I think of it this way..." or "I feel...". The reason is that people with BPD often feel they are being attacked at the slightest bit of criticism so instead avoid 'You' statements that attach blame and instead focus on how you feel about the situation which are more helpful.

3 BPD can manifest itself in different ways. Some people can be loud and extroverted, some are quiet and avoid-ant but underneath it all are the same issues of low self-worth. If she is a self-harmer try and work with her to find ways that provide her a release of her feelings without hurting herself.

4 Try and educate yourself as much as possible about the illness (i guess you are already doing that which is why you are here right!). There's loads of information both online and in book form. Charities may run courses or training days that aim to educate the carer so look and contact the ones in your area. I have gone to these and they have been very helpful.

5 Always look after yourself. Whatever it is you do to keep yourself level don't stop these things. If you need additional help for yourself, it is out there if you seek it. The most important thing for you and your daughter is to keep yourself well.

Hope some of these are of use!
Hi there

I’m new to this website too but already your advice just from this chat is helping me.

Miss P, just know that you are not alone and there are people just like us who are in similar situations, who are willing to share experiences.

My boyfriend has bpd and I’m learning everyday how to help support him.

Sure you are doing an amazing job. I hope you and your daughter do well and sometimes it’s about slug steps and not the big guestures.
Hi there I am new to the forum and also have a daughter with unstable personality disorder or bpd. The last 5 years have been hell . trying to deal with her condition. If I can help at all please contact me. I have few answers but I do understand what you are going through.
Janey, my daughter also putting us through hell with her behaviour and been diagnosed with BPD. Very hard to cope. How are things going for you?
I am in a similar situation although I am no longer living with my daughter now. My daughter has had a rough decade and only got diagnosed about 4-5 years ago - bpd, anxiety, depression, Eating disorder.
I find the manipulation hard.
I am currently trying to back off and encourage my daughter to take responsibility for herself and face consequences if her actions - it’s not easy and she has become violent.
I understand its really hard seeing someone we love go through this. I don't have any real advice to give you but just know that your doing really well and its okay to take a break for you and if the guilt does come know that its important for you to look after yourself