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Carer breakdown due to stress - Carers UK Forum

Carer breakdown due to stress

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Seen my gp today was so anxious and shaking was a mess,carer breakdown due to stress from mother inlaws care workers,today the gp saw how ill i was no amount of meds will sort it as issues will still be there,he was reluctant to give me any meds but he has given me some diazapami did ask him to find me a bed in hospital so think he changed his mind with meds he was not impressed but i cant sleep dont want to eat feel sick with anxiety when i do nod off feel anxiety and then awake.
Tracie, I know you don't like me saying this, but it's time your mum in law went into residential care, because her carers are useless, and you MUST put your own needs, and those of your husband, before hers. Things can only change when you and your husband make a change.
Tracie, I'm with BB on this! You CAN'T take any more - your stress levels are unsustainable. And I know you have SO many other difficulties in your life.

Time to be strong FOR YOURSELF, not for others. It's time for MIL to have residential care, and then everyone can 'calm down'. What energy you have 'left over' can be spent visiting her and so on.

This time around, YOU come first.

If you break catastrophically that won't help anyone at all!

Wishing you all the best posiible, limed though that is. But one thing that CAN be done is taking MIL 'off your shoulders'.
It's not that I don't like it being said at all,she is not ready for a residential home,she has care going in who don't do there job and it's made me ill because no one is interested in my complaints,already had father in law in a home sadly he died in June he was ready mother in law is not and that's stated by social services,I did back off for 16 months as last lot of care were bad so I sacked them and did what I could for mother in law but now constantly checking if they have done everything I do my bit but have my dad with dementia and our health needs for come first I know that.
Tracie, I think what BB and I are saying is that it doesn't matter if MIL isn't ready for a care home - YOU are ready for her to go iinto one!

There is only so much you can fight - and you have SO many problems of your own - this endless battle with care-workers is breaking you. Please think of yourself for a change....
I really do see your points,i value your opinions but social worker says she is fine to be at home,i begged and begged to put her somewhere at meetings and was told we cant do that,i have been told tonight to keep the carers as they going in this is by someone who comes now and again so i have decided to think of me and leave everyone to it
Tracie, I take it your MIL is going to be funded by the council, and they are trying to keep her out of a care home as it will cost them more!

I think that your decision to 'stay out of it' is the right one - if you let the current carers make a total hash of it, it lends fuel to your pleas that she is admitted into a home. Can you take photographic evidence or whatever of how useless the carers are? If it comes to a safe-guarding issue, it might help?

Another thought - could you/your husband (and even your MIL) POSSIBLY manage to afford some 'paid' respite for her? Choose a care home that also take LA-funded residents. Then, once she is there, can you 'close down' where she is currently living, in some way, so she CANNOT return home, and demand the council KEEP her in the care home????

I'm so glad you are thinking of yourself for a change! I know you have SO much to cope with yourself - please do focus on easing your OWN situation first.

Kindest wishes as ever, Jenny
She is self funding,i have photo evidence no respite all full and can take months plus no matter what even if she was not paying be the same,you have to meet the criteria for respite,i have spoke to the social worker and she said if i get rid of these no one else been four week next week and been a nightmare until she is a risk she wont be put in a home and thats not what she wants anyway,found out today that mother inlaw picks her snacks and its stuff she cant have as she diabetic yet is given them and no support in reminding her she is diabetic.
If she's self-funding for residential care (ie, she owns property), then she can pick and choose where and when she wants to go into a residential home!! No need for the council to be involved at all, or care agencies.

BUT, if she doesn't want to go into a home, then all you can do is 'withdraw' any help you are giving her, including organising the care-workers or anything to do with them (including complaints!). That would 'force her hand' - or make her take her OWN consequences of not being in a home, OR having to have rubbish care-workers!

While you go on making it possible for her NOT to go into a care home, she won't.

I don't think you said she has dementia, did yo?? (Sorry if she has).
Jenny yes she has vascular dementia and alzhimers,i tried that 16 month ago got rid of care workers and did just my bit of shopping and appointments,i backed off and we still got no help and was put on a needs not met list,yes she may be self funding but still needs to be assessed for a home and she does not meet the criteria i have asked them to put her somewhere but she is not a danger to herself ot others yet they wont take her,i am not stopping her from going anywhere if these carers go then she be on her own and i do what i can and thats it,i have enough with dad having it and i am unwell,there are not many homes nursing or residential anyway and the good ones are full,its all or nothing with carers so probbly have to have them and pay for rubbish