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Cant cope much longer with situation.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 4:15 am
by Annette_1805
I ended the relationship with my partner in feb but let her remain in my home as a lodger and still stayed her carer as she is bi polar. Briefly we both have mental illness but i lost my pip so she lost carers for me i must add she refused to do any caring for me ie going away visiting her sister when i was in crisis .refusing to even wash up when i was exhausted.
Anyway over the past year or more i have also been caring for my elderly parents more as my dad got diagnosed with dementia last year and my mum is registeted blind .and im struggling .i dont do the personal care side of things but do shopping and my parents large garden for them etc and cook some meals as they do have paid carers .
But my ex partner is still being basically very lazy ,her life is laying on the sofa or in bed asleep but has this miracoulsly recovery when she is off out visiting her relatives or they visit here she cooks for them etc doesnt lay about sleeping.
But today i came home after doing my parents shopping and brought some shopping myself and she looked at the food i had brought and cooked herself tea did not even ask if i would like some then just left her dirty pots expecting me to wash them up. I just had enough when she refused to wash them up and dumped them in the bin. She then threatened to have my carers allowance taken away saying i should do her washing up as her carer ,it felt like blackmail. So i told her i could not cope with her any longer and i was going to evict her as she has already broken the lodgers agreement a legal document. She sat there laughing at me and saying no to being evicted.
Yes i would struggle moneywise but rather that than be treated as her personal slave .she is quite capable of cooking herself and her relatives a meal when they come but refuses to even wash a cup up when shes used them .leaving everything for me to do. The ironic thing is when we was together and she got carers allowance for me she actually did nothing ,if i asked for help she refused.some nights i had begged her just to stay up with me because my mind was in a bad place but she would refuse and go to bed.
I really just need advice who to ask advice from .i can legally get my locks change after serving notice to quit if she refuses to go but i remember not long before we split up i had locked myself in the bedroom as i do when i need space ,she wanted to get in ,instead of just waiting she barged the door and smashed the lock and frame. No remorse or nothing.said she had wanted her purse to buy herself a take out.i was left very shaken by her behaviour.so im scared what she will do with eviction.
My mental health is in a state.

Re: Cant cope much longer with situation.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 8:33 am
by bowlingbun
Get rid of her! She is using you.
Your mum and dad should both be claiming Attendance Allowance so you can claim CA for looking after them.

Re: Cant cope much longer with situation.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 9:09 am
by MrsAverage
Go to citizens advice to get advice about how to get her to leave. This is a bad situation for you and it must change

Re: Cant cope much longer with situation.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 11:27 am
by jenny lucas
She's a lodger, not a tenant - so should be easier to get her out.

I would 'lie low' for a bit, and make her feel she's 'won' and that you 'accept' you can't get her out, etc etc. Basically you lull her into a sense of false security.

Then, when she next leaves the house, (even if it's just for the shops or a walk or whatever - if she ever does that! - better still if she goes off to visit her family/friends and will be out for a couple of hours etc), then IMMEDIATLEY you must (a) change the locks, and (b) bolt the doors and windows from the inside.

Basically, you 'bar yourself in' (make sure you have plenty of food etc in the house to withstand a 'siege' of maybe a day or two?)

You then PACK her stuff up into a suitcase, and place it outside the front door (use a bin bag to protect it if wet etc).

And then you poin a notice on the door teling her she no longer has access and no longer is living in your property, and she has to fend for herself from now on.

From that point on she can do whatever the hell she likes!

Don't be scared of her. Once she is OUT it's far harder for to seek ANY legal means to 'get back in' if she DOES try.

She is a selfish, exploitative cow and you need to be RID of her.

Your focus is for your parents, not this appalling thoughtless self-obsessed woman who is simply using you, as you already point out, as her slave.

You have NO responsibility for her, and she has used up ANY 'claim' for consideration as your former partner or someone with MH.

Let her shove off and find someone else to be a parasite on!!!!!!! (Cos that's what she is!)

Cheers, and GOOD LUCK.

Re: Cant cope much longer with situation.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 11:35 am
by jenny lucas

Re: Cant cope much longer with situation.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 11:38 am
by jenny lucas
Is she actually a 'lodger' - ie, paying you rent for her room, and share of utilities bills etc, and is registered as a lodger with the council re council tax etc etc?

Is there any paperwork to say she is a lodger, or why she is in your house?

If not, then she's not a lodger, she's a house guest! So get her out today. She has no rights at all as an unwanted houseguest, or former lover - OUT little madam, and slam the door behind her!