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BPD, Psychosis, Cheating - Carers UK Forum

BPD, Psychosis, Cheating

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hey all,

I'm struggling, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong but I can't be around it.

My partner is going through a psychotic episode, inpatient in a psychiatric ward under a section.

He is highly irritable, struggling with delusions, hallucinations and voices. He thinks there is a plot to harm him, that we all (including they but we don't know who they is) want him either dead or locked up. He also accuses me of cheating, getting him raped and repeatedly says hurtful things.

He started flirting with our mutual friend (my closest friend) and the student nurse on the ward. Asking our mutual friend to have a threesome and wishing they weren't gay and I have watched him flirt with the student nurse when I point it out he just smirks at me. It's awful, the whole ward are aware and observing it too and I feel humiliated.

He has does this in the past, flirted and sexually messages other girls and normally it's around the time he isn't stable.

I had to leave the ward twice in a row now because I can't watch it, it's too painful. He then tells me he isn't flirting, everyone is a liar and everything is my fault and he didn't want to be with me any way because I'm childish and controlling and speak to him like a psychologist while asking our mutual friend to move in with him.

I've told him I won't be visiting and his behaviour is disgusting. But am I allowed? Am I being unfair because he is unwell. He has BPD so obviously me distancing myself creates a fear of abandonment and he did ring me saying "you are just creating lies to justify you wanting to break up with me" but I can't cope with it. Hurtful words I can but not the flirting, especially because I know he'd allow it to escalate given the opportunity he's already snuggled up to my friend.

I just need some guidance as to whether being stern and taking space is right or if I'm being unfair? Is this even part of him being unwell (he has bpd formally diagnosed)

Thank you
Abagail_1911 wrote:
Wed Nov 27, 2019 12:50 am


I've told him I won't be visiting and his behaviour is disgusting. But am I allowed?
Of course you're allowed.

You are a person with your own rights, it's your life and it's your decision to do as you want with it.
Hi Abigail welcome to the forum
My husband had a stroke then eventually diagnosed with vascular dementia. He had a delirium stage, and constantly phoned me with accusations of adultery etc. In the end I stopped engaging in such conversations. Would say bye bye and put the phone down and switch it off. Eventually the accusations stopped. (I loved my husband very much)
I realise its different for you, as the diagnosis is different. Allow his treatment to continue without you. Try not to engage for a while. In the meantime, consider if you really want to continue with the relationship. That sounds harsh I know. You are important too, and takes strong love to continue with toxic times.
As Ajay said, of course you are allowed not to visit! The staff may even feel its better for him,whilst he needs treatment. At least have a break,.
I do feel for you knowing how painful it can be.
Hello and welcome!

Do not visit. Simple as that.
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-sup ... d6hvOj7TIU

I guess you may have read all the above.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/

It's a situation I feel many of us can't really comment on. It's your relationship and in the longer term only you can decide. How much you can live with do you want to live long term this way.
Thank you all for commenting

Yes it is ultimately my choice, I just feel awful for not being there for him while he is unwell because I'm taking things so personally. He's started creating a smear campaign against me now.

I just don't know if it's related to him being unwell or if this flirting with others will always occur. But I suppose no one can know that.

Thank you!
Abagail, it's a really difficult situation. I'd suggest counselling to help you decide what is best for YOU.
A good counsellor won't tell you what to do, but help you work through your thoughts to find what you truly want.
Are your finances independent of each other, or joint?
Who owns the house, joint names? If so, take legal advice asap.
Much better to protect assets to stop them going, rather than try to get them back later. Your husband is so unstable that you MUST protect your own interests.
Please see a good counsellor. This is overwhelming for anyone. Ask around for recommendations or look online.
Also talk to the doctors and psychiatrists involved with your partner.
Write things down in a diary.
He may well be on strong medication which could be causing his unacceptable behaviour.