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Borderline Personality Disorder - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Borderline Personality Disorder

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Londonbound wrote:
Sun Jan 17, 2021 3:38 pm
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And arguments and blazing rows, throwing accusations, at the very least this needs to be reduced, all it does is cause a great deal of upset.

You need to have some sort of time out, that you will agree not to argue, wave a white flag or something.

If you really didn't love your partner, you would have walked out months ago, doesn't your partner realise this?

I am caring for a survivor of abuse and it is not easy at all, if you want to personal message me , i will do my best to advise.

But the Survivors Trust is the way forward.
The arguments do need to stop and I realise this is on me as the emotionally stronger partner to do as bowlingbun says and walk away. I’ve known that for a long time but as yet haven’t achieved the skill!! Sadly we row on average probably every week. We rowed yesterday morning and she stonewalled all day and night. It devastates me to lose a whole precious day like that. Today we are ok but nothing gets resolved. We just ‘move on’.

She should definitely know that I love her. I prove it all the time in any way I know how. She must, deep down. I think her heart knows but her head doesn’t believe.

Thank you so much for the offer to pm. I really appreciate that because I am very worried that she could again see all I’m writing Publicly here and be upset by it. I think I’m just desperate enough for support to take the risk : (
Might be a good idea to change your user name, mine is Londonbound, totally anonymous, no one knows who i am.

But yes if you want to PM thats fine, if you can talk to the Survivors Trust, i ring up and talk to a really nice lady.

There is also NAPAC, Supporting Recovery from childhood abuse.

https://napac.org.uk/
I understand & have gone through everything you have talked about & more. I am the parent of an adult child with bpd & many other disorders. I won’t say too much here, think It needs it’s own thread. But if you need an understanding ear, message me.
Take care
I have private messaged you if you wish to talk.
My boyfriend has bpd.

I totally get that feeling of struggling some days to walk away. Obviously we know that it's the bpd talking, but it doesn't make us not want our partner to stop seeing us in that severely negative light.
Hello there,

I too have a partner with what I perceive to be undiagnosed BPD. We've been together over 4 years, are both in our late 30's and have had many rows and a few near break ups. We live together and he has two lovely children from a previous long term relationship.

I would highly recommend looking up Dr Daniel Fox. He has a channel on a popular video viewing site, and there are many useful videos on BPD, how to identify triggers (those little things that kick off the negative behaviour), and how your BPD partner can try to learn to identify when they have been triggered before things go too far. This isn't a swap for counselling, however if your BPD other refuses to attend then this is something you could possibly persuade them to listen to. They just have to show to you they are prepared to make an effort, and follow through. I found the videos really helpful and an insight to understanding why my partner behaves as he does.

It's very difficult, but you have to try and not feel guilt, feel any blame, stay calm and really put your 'adult' head on when your BPD partner/friend/family member has been triggered. You also need to be yourself, keep your friends and hobbies, and know that your BPD other's reactions are a habit, but over time they can be changed. If you need someone to talk to, counselling is great but find a BPD specialist if you can. Your BPD other will not want you to attend, as they will automatically think the counsellor will tell you to leave them! You have to look after yourself otherwise what's the point? You can give them all the support and love you have, but remember they must want to make the change and it's up to them to do it, not you.

Good luck!
Just came across an article about BPD. Interesting read:
https://balanceluxuryrehab.com/borderli ... s-dangers/