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Carers UK Forum • bangin your head against a brick wall
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bangin your head against a brick wall

Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 5:28 pm
by goose
...any one else get this feeling...........when they are well its not for long and suddenly you are not needed any more! when ill you have to do everything from clearing up their mess to paying gas bills and spending your weekends hangin around hospitals while they are doped up to their eyeballs....not sure if its the illness or he is just being a jerk but does not seem to see that i might have a life too and perhaps is bit cheesed off at being in hospital . Trying to see both sides but it does feel like a bit of a thankless task- mental health does not get a look in- if he was in a wheel chair i would get next door offering to help instead of making comments about scoungers etc! oooh a bad afternoon i think- it will pass I know but it does feel like a brick wall and me sometimes Image

Hi Goose Yes I do

Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 6:27 pm
by Tonyd
Hi Goose Yes I do understand that totally, it is very difficult, and one thing that I find makes it worse is during the ups they don`t remember the downs and during the downs they don`t remember the ups, so you just go round in circles. If you ever need to rant or get things out of you`re system please feel free to pm me.
Tony

Hi Goose & Tony, you've both

Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:42 pm
by Pete the Paint
Hi Goose & Tony,
you've both just described my life with Jill to a tee!!! Mental illness has got to be the worst ever to get an ounce of sympathy, even from ones own family. Brick walls and circles describe it perfectly!

Cheer up both, soon be Christmas Image

Pete

Hi Guys I empathise fully -

Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 5:57 pm
by susieq
Hi Guys

I empathise fully - it's the same with dementia, one minute remembering what happened 40 years ago and the next not knowing what she did an hour ago. If I had a penny for everytime I have to repeat myself I'd be a very rich woman ! One of these 'invisible' illnesses - only when you're caring 24/7 do you fully understand what it involves.

susieq

Dear goose i do understand

Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:10 pm
by shazi
Dear goose i do understand the feeling caree has both physical and mental health problems. When in hospital last year the staff did not know how to deal with his needs. keept changing medication and stated that i was being akward when refused to bring him home while still very ill. Image take care shazi

thanks for replies- comiing home

Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 10:47 am
by goose
thanks for replies- comiing home from hospital soon I hope- been ill on and off all year with nasty sections and suicide attempst etc so have let my own life slip - see fewer an fewer people and when you do they are fed up with your situatioan-They watched Stephen fry programme and think that is what Bipolar is- so mild, so easily treatable hUh!
well for a lot of folks its bad money wise for now and stress does make folks feel awful if only they knew!!- but i know no money in the world will cure this or make it better when he is ill- and it will happen again and again.
Still i hope that some how this type of organistiaon might help make a difference. cant see it myself - look at the posts and reactions ..........not many mental health carers on here- we are the cinderella side of things- why dont we make more noise- probably cos we are too exhausted to do so!
Image no one can see the illness or understand how being with someone for 24/7 can bring you to your knees mentally too- and I am lucky enought to be able to work - although i have had to do so part time now ( which does affect my income) as the local serivces nearly managed to let him die twice this year and i cant live with that so have to be there myself.
I dotn think enought is said about how hard it is meantlly and emotionally - evey one goes on and on about money but it is not what i would find would help us- better services that respond to us and help us in a crisis - the guy in guildford was not so lucky and the police shot him - i dont want that happening to us cos the local services dont listen to me adn we only have the police to help..

Still i hope that some

Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 11:50 am
by Matt Hill
Still i hope that some how this type of organistiaon might help make a difference. cant see it myself - look at the posts and reactions ..........not many mental health carers on here- we are the cinderella side of things- why dont we make more noise- probably cos we are too exhausted to do so!
Hi goose

Carers UK is here for all carers. As a small organisation we concentrate ont eh issues that affect all carers - like the lack of money, lack of services. We do know that the disability fo the person you're caring for makes a huge difference to your experience of being a carer. Our membership has peopel from all caring situations.

But you've raised a valid point that because we campaign for all carers, then we can't always give the specialist detailed support that mental carers might need. Our CarersLIne can certainly help with specific queries but for exmaple our campaigning will always be more general.

But here are much larger organsiations that do give specialist support to mental health carers. You probably know about some of these but for others reading...
http://www.rethink.org/living_with_ment ... index.html
http://www.makingspace.co.uk

also there is a really active cmapaigning network of mental health carers -- although this is only in England. Called Supporting Carers Better

http://www.scbnetwork.org/

Hi, Goose. I have had some

Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:45 pm
by Lazydaisy
Hi, Goose.

I have had some issues with mental health, as one of my sons has had severe depression,that has worsened his diabetes, and left his life at risk several times. We now seem to be coming through this.

I am a Carer for two other people, my husband, diabetic, lost his sight, and a severe back injury, plus a son with Downs Syndrome and Diabetes. I can honestly say that the mental health issues of my younger son increased my caring load by 100%, as his condition was so demanding, compared to my other two.But I still had to be a Carer for the others too, and they became quite neglected at this time. (at least their paperwork did, and that has caught up with me now).

Every Carer also has different priorities, and for myself at different points in the last 23 years, I have had varying priorities. This year, my only concern has been my younger son, as he would not be alive now, if we had not had to fight for everything he has needed.

All of us here have different needs in our lives;nobody has quite the same issues as me to deal with,so perhaps nobody can understand why I cannot go out more often than I do,but I have found this site to be a lifesaver. There is always someone ready to have a laugh, or give a shoulder to cry on, even if they don't understand. And many times, I have shut the computer down, and realised that my life is not so bad at all.

I agree with what LazyDaisy

Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:34 pm
by susieq
I agree with what LazyDaisy says - no two carers have the same set of problems Image And we would need to 'walk a mile' in each other's shoes to fully appreciate each other's problems, but we all try to provide a shoulder to cry on or just a listening ear for when things become too bad, as in our own way, we've all been there, done that and got the t-shirts to prove it Image

Sometimes when things are bad with Mum I read of other people's problems and I think of the old saying "I complained that I had no shoes, then I met a man with no feet" and then I can put my problems into perspective again.

So Goose, bang on all you want on here - we do understand even if we don't have the same problems.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

susieq

no one can...understand how being

Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 6:11 am
by charles47
no one can...understand how being with someone for 24/7 can bring you to your knees mentally too-

I dotn think enought is said about how hard it is meantlly and emotionally
Trouble is, Goose, that the money issue is obvious and would help many carers by taking some of the strain of caring away, but you're right about the huge emotional toll of caring. Many long-term carers I know have a reputation for being "difficult" with the authorities. Actually it's the long-term stress coming out - they've heard the excuses before, they've heard the promises without delivery, they're still in there fighting for everything. And so often, it feels like nobody is listening.