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Anyone here supporting adult children? MH and ASD Spectrum? - Carers UK Forum

Anyone here supporting adult children? MH and ASD Spectrum?

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi all, I'm new to this forum. Looking for support (FB friends perhaps?) or your stories I guess.

I'm a mum of three, D18, S13, D6. Im separated from the children's Dad (my first husband of 17 years) and my second husband (2 years) walked out on us two weeks ago.

My eldest daughter has had a serious deterioration in her MH over the last 18 months. At the moment, it is believed she has Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and is ASD spectrum more Aspergers (that was) end of the spectrum.

My sister is diagnosed with Bipolar type 1, Histrionic Personality Disorder and BPD. The professionals believe I'm on the mild end of BPD as well. But I've flagged up in bad periods of my life as possible cyclomania (mild bipolar). I'm in control of my own MH, I have counselling training and work in Mental Health Wellbeing, as much as I can around my family responsibilities.

My Mum is Aspergers and Dad seems to suffer with Depression. Aside from these we have a strong extended family history of MH and my daughter has a difficult relationship with her Dad, even though he loves her dearly he has always struggled to cope with her.

I just feel so alone in my circumstances, I wonder if I do the right thing for my daughter often and I'm really struggling to get her to engage with services. Am I enabling her inability to function or am I making the only choices I can.

My daughter's struggles are these.

• Building and maintaining friendships with her peers.
• Holding down work/study.
• Severe insomnia.
• Extremes of emotions.
• Distress when separated from me, unless she is with my sister or her boyf of 5 years (also seems to be on the spectrum)
• ASD meltdowns.
• Jealously of siblings/my partners. (Both Dad and my recent husband)
• Quick mood swings (days not weeks) - highs/lows.
• Physical symptoms - joint pain, hives, swollen joints ect...
• Low self worth.
• Rumination of past traumas.
• Low energy.
• Disengagement with talk therapy issues.
• Fear of men with exception to my Dad and her Boyf.
• Lack of sexual intimacy in her relationship.
• Hears voices and sees illusions but not from a psychotic perspective.
• Complusive financial spending (mood driven)
• Binge eating, only eats very restricted foods.
• Disassociation.
• Nightmares/terrors.
• Uses comfort props - teddies all have names/weighted blankets/can only sleep with noise cancelling headphones
• Obsessions.

Is anyone else living the same sort of life as me?
Hi Kara

I can emphathise with you..

I have two young people to care for.

Son age 24 is autistic needs lots of support
Son age 20 learning disability etc

It is so full on trying to look after both their needs
Especially since lockdown

Do you have an ehc plan for your eldest. (EDucation, health and Care Plan)

These are good for young people up to the age of 25 who still need to access education...that could be preparation for adulthood and lifeskills.

Particularly good for young people that are not making progress due to barriers in the way.

As part of the process various assessments are done.. Educational psy hology/speech and language..OT etc.
Hi Kara,
I care for S, he is now 28 and has autism and related learning disability. His childhood was straight forward (as long as we approached life in an autism friendly way.) Mid to late teens he had lots of problems - puberty is hard enough for the NT population, but factor in autism as well - and that takes it to a whole new level. His anxiety went through the roof, self harm, his behaviour became very challenging. Early to mid 20's back on track.

View her comfort props as necessities. Has she had a sensory assessment by an OT? It needs to be one who is trained and interested in sensory needs. Often professionals only have a very cursory understanding of autism - 'they need routine don't they" etc; if the professionals involved in her care aren't experienced in autism then she won't engage with them as they won't have the right understanding or approach. Provide her with info so she can learn as much about her autism as possible as this will improve her wellbeing.

Hi, a quick reply ‘cos it’s late and I’m tired.
What you’ve posted is very familiar. Adult Daughter with BPD, assessed for autism age 9, told autistic traits only. Sensory issues, friendship problems etc.
Will try & reply further tomorrow, in the meantime, if you want to dm me, feel free
Take care