Another "Rant" post - BPD carer.

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi Gill
I am glad you found a thread that resonates. However the last post to it was over a year ago so you may not get replies from the original posters as people tend to come and go from the forum . I learnt a lot from past posts and hope you do too, I just didn't want you to feel bad if no one replies.
I'm glad you stick to your guns about what you need to do for you. Carers of people with mental health issues need Teflon coats of steel where nothing hurtful gets through a nd verbal barbs slide right off. We have one on the forum that gets passed on virtually to who ever needs it. It's invisible so the caree never knows the carer is wearing it :)

You are right to look after yourself, a broken or worn out carer is no use to anyone so it important you look after your physical and mental well being. Throwing in some social life doesn't go amiss either.

Xx
MrsA
Custardcarer wrote:
Mon Jun 12, 2017 1:15 am
...sorry. Last post honest! I too have lost all my social life and friends. For some years my life has only been about my partner's illness. I am changing that now... so must you I suspect. I realised that I had become part of the problem. I was part of the messed-up world she made and that made it more real for her. It validates her behaviour. I'm not saying ignore her. I love my partner lots, and I still get to see the funny, caring part now and then (not often these days I admit), but the more of a life I have, the less her confusing behaviour affects me.

I'll shut up now!
I very much sympathise with your frustration re the role of the carer in looking after someone with a serious mental health issue. Years before my son became ill with schizophrenia - I read a book about caring for people with Dementia by Oliver Sacks. In it, he talks about how to cope when the person you are caring for has delusions or hallucinations. I took from it that it is best to "go along" with the delusion for the time that it occurs in the person who is experiencing it, and this has helped me in caring for my son (if only to keep myself from going completely bonkers!). However, it does sound asthough your partner is not so much delusional, as she "empathising" and unintentionally absorbing some of the ideas and energies from the people she encounters in a mental health setting. How do you cope? HOW do you RETAIN YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR and sanity in such a tricky predicament!? I think the only way to be able to cope with her lies and self-delusion is for you to take time out for yourself, and to not engage in her 'beliefs' (which sound a bit like 'Munchausen syndrome by proxy' or something similar); but to do as you've done and to rant on a forum of like-minded souls such as this CarersUK Forum. I have found an app called CALM - which allows me to escape into daily meditation and mindfulness, and to connect with other people on a forum of supportive caring via FaceBook. This almost makes me feel that I can cope with all my feelings of frustration and rage at how my life has taken a very different path to the one I anticipated. Please know that you are not alone in your struggles - there are so many of us in a similar position. :roll: