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Struggling with suicidal partner - Carers UK Forum

Struggling with suicidal partner

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi all. New to the forum. My partner has suffered with Generalised Anxiety Disorder since she was a teenager. She had a really bad spell in 2010, before we were together, which resulted in her taking an overdose before she eventually found her way through the fog to recovery.
Apart from a blip in 2013 she has been coping, however we have had a lot of stress in the last 2 years, including myself having a operation to have a tumor removed. Then about 3 months ago she started getting anxious and it started to spiral. 2 months ago she wasn't sleeping and became suicidal. We got the crisis team involved who moved her onto the home based treatment team. They offered hope and she started to improve. Then they suddenly discharged her, without letting us know that was going to happen anytime soon, and just after this she was told no more diazepam as well. This left her feeling a loss of hope and she seemed to spiral her again and she has gone into a deep depression as well as her anxiety and panic attacks. She has become suicidal again, always in the morning when she feels most overwhelmed. I keep her tablets hidden and she has tried to find them in desperation when I've been in the bathroom! Because she can't find them she then moved to thoughts of cutting herself or throwing herself in front of a train. Yesterday I had to wrestle a knife from her hand, so they're hidden as well now. I took her a & e after advice from 111 (crisis team were useless just keep telling her to a have a shower and try and do things). But at the hospital they just called the crisis team to come and it was back to the usual things to try. This morning she tried for a knife again and when couldn't find them she smashed a drinking glass in the sink so she could use that to cut herself. I managed to wrestle her away in time. Then she started to look on the internet on her phone to she if she could order some tablets to overdose on. This was the straw that broke the camel's back and I broke down. She has never seen me like that before and it seemed to bring her temporarily to her senses and she agreed to speak to her CPN. But no one seems to be able to help much. We live away from family and have only lived in the area for a short time, so we don't have many friends locally to help. I'm at my wit's end as to what to do. We run a business which i'm having to do the work, which is fine as she has been coming out with me in the van. But now she doesn't want to come anymore, and neither does she want to be at home alone. I can't concentrate on working, especially if she was at home. Today I had to cancel all our clients for the second day running. To be honest I don't care about the business anymore as it was our joint dream, not one I want to do on my own. All I'm interested is getting her through this safely
But I feel so alone with it and scared to leave her for more than a few minutes. I'm getting feelings of depression and hopelessness myself now. I already struggle with ME/CFS.
I've made an appointment to see a carer support worker but that isn't for nearly 2 weeks! Any advice from anyone dealing with or previously having dealt with a similar scenario would be very welcome. Thanks for listening to me ramble on....
Hi Nigel and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry - I have no experience of MH issues and can't help but I wanted to let you know that someone is 'listening' and thinking of you. There are people on this forum who deal with partners suffering with MH and hopefully they will be along soon with numbers to call or people to contact. The only people I can think of is the Samaritans. Surely they would have some suggestions?
Hope you get some help soon.
Hi Nigel
I have no experience with MH issues, ( except my husband now has dementia) so I'm afraid I can't be much help either. Could you phone for emergency services if your partner attempts again?
Really I'm letting you know ( as Elaine has) that someone will be along to offer advice and that you can rant as much as you like on the forum. No one minds. It helps greatly.
Hi Elaine & Pet 66. Thank you both for your kind words. It helps me just to type the words out and get things off my chest a bit. Yes the emergency services are my option if things worsen at all, but from what I understand they talk them down a bit then take them to a&e again, so unless she actually succeeds in hurting herself I'm not sure it will help. However we have made a bit of progress today and have got an assessment booked for Tuesday morning at a private hospital where, if admitted, she will get more the intensive intervention that she needs. So fingers crossed! Tomorrow morning she is seeing her CPN and a private counsellor, so again hopefully that will help.
Thanks again!
Hi Nigel,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, it must be really tough and the forum is definitely here for you to vent as much as you need to.
I would suggest giving the Carers UK advice line a call as they may be able to signpost you to some local MH groups to help support you and your partner through these problems. The Adviceline is open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm.
Listening service available Mondays and Tuesdays, from 9am to 7pm.

0808 808 7777

Do be persistent if you don't get through the first time as the line does get busy at peak times or try emailing adviceline@carersuk.org

You can also try mind who have a dedicated mental health support helpline http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
Thanks for the advice Nikki
Just to say welcome and hope all goes well next week. And you both cope "ok" till then.
Pleased you have been given some advice and useful links. :)