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A Black mood Day - Carers UK Forum

A Black mood Day

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
I don't know how familliar this will be to any of you, but she is having a bad day today. Deeply jealous of a female friend of mine who is coming to visit, despairing because she is bored and has nothing to do so her life is pointless and meaningless and empty. She has nothing to live for. Nobody would miss her. I could easily replace her with my freind, who I prefer anyway. She hates herself. Have had 6 text messages from her so far and I have been at work for about 35 minutes. Could be a long, trying day.
No personal experience as such but stating what I'm sure you already know, depression can be a very selfish illness (not intentionally of course).

I know what you say about her physical limitations but surely there are some things she can do..maybe it's the depression that is the important issue here.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you Ben, sorry I had nothing constructive to add. It's been a trying day here too. Image
No problem ladybird, thanks for your reply. Sorry it's been a tough day- would you like to talk about it?
No problem ladybird, thanks for your reply. Sorry it's been a tough day- would you like to talk about it?
Thanks for the offer ben but I'm ok..just very tired. My mum has just been discharged from hospital for the second time since Christmas, I have been buzzing backwards and forwards between South and West London via public transport since she was admitted and I'm pretty beat. Image She has never had careworkers before but now needs them 4 times daily, have been trying to liase twixt social services, care agency, neighbours, get a safe keybank sorted out, sort out a meeting with my caree's (my daughter) staff..and have come home to find my eldest (adult) daughter who lives with us looks suspiciously like she has Norovirus. She has hardly moved out of the bathroom since Tuesday.
So...I'm ok but tired. I know there are others on here whose partners have depression issues, maybe they will be able to give you some more support. I do have depressive episodes but mainly have problems with anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia. I shall correct myself. DID have problems with panics and agora as I am nearly over that now. Image

I was a member of a forum for those who have these types of issues. It is hell for the depressed person, whatever the cause but it is seriously hellish for the person nearest to them who have to live with the flak and fallout, not to mention walking on eggshells constantly. The other halves get forgoten about, like so many other carers.

A suggestion Ben. Maybe have a think about seeing someone for yourself, perhaps a counsellor? I toughed my issues out, both my own psychological difficulties and the daily stress of being a fulltime carer to my daughter. Toughing it out nearly took me to the edge but I didn't realise until it was nearly too late.

You ned time for you and you need space to offload about how your OH behaviour is affecting you. If you feel ok offloading here, that's great..there is always a listening ear.

You can be there for your lady but you cannot solve this problem for her..you have got to look after yourself too.

Take care Image
Sounds like you have had a lot on your plate ladybird. luckily for me I only have my wife to worry about at the moment, everyone else seems sort of okay.

Thanks for your suggestion, but fortunately I already have a counsellor of my own. Provided for me by care for the carers. Unfortunately I only have 12 sessions with her and I have already used 8. Still, she has been very useful to me so far and I have four sessions left, which is useful. In the mean time I think I will explore this site more fully and hope to benefit from contact with other people in simllar positions to my own. Image
Excellent news about the counsellor Ben, wish there were more about!

I am used to having a lot on my plate so no worries there Image . Glad you are liking the site, it is great that we can have a laugh as well as air our feelings about all subjects without fear of judgement.

Hope today is a good day Image
Hi guys. Sorry it has been so long since I posted, I'm sure you know how it is. Yesterday was a bad day. Wife very low and depressed, bored, as I have mentioned before. Bored for some reason makes her angry and after a while all I could do was go back to bed and curl up and go to sleep. It is usually the only place she won't disturb me when she is in her worst mood, but on this occasion the usual shouting about how I was a spoilt little rich boy running away and having a tantrum was exhaserbated by her prodding me in the back with her hair brush to try and wake me up. We had agreed that I would be allowed to back away from this sort of situation if I wished and I did remind her of this but, unsurprisingly, to no avail. Slept much of the day until she calmed down a bit and made some food, then we watched lethal weapon three, which she actually enjoyed. The anger seemed to have burned itself out to some extent, and she slept from about 8.30 is onwards.
Today she is still tense and bored and complaining about having to take tablets and eat. I feel shattered and on edge. Happy Easter. How is everyone else today?
Hi Ben,
Having a similar day , but not as bad as you, fighting depression. on tablets. but its
bereavement I am dealing with. I just feel I am existing at the moment , not living
if you know what I mean. I cared for many years, but I now feel I am being left to rot
and I am becoming reclusive. I thought caring was isolating , after death its even worse.
You say you and the wife watched a film together, so some good times are there
found off and on. try to cherish these . know a lot about what the mind can do,
stay on this site , it will help you.
Take care
Hi Minnie,

Thanks for your suggestion. I am very sorry for your loss. I know a lot of carers groups make provision of one form or another for ex-carers in situations such as yours- have you explored this? Wife's mood is better and the moment and I am able to enjoy her company right now and remember, as you say, what we have together. I hope you are able to begin adjusting to your new situation and get out and about a little more.