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A difficult end to a relationship? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

A difficult end to a relationship?

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Just enough, blaming others is typical behaviour! It doesn't mean you are to blame. I think you have been too tolerant for too long!
An update for all those who kindly contributed to this thread...
I stayed with my wife through all of lockdown, and spent much time with my youngest daughter. It was time well spent, and we managed to really get working on my daughter's MH. She still has relapses, but is generally doing well.

My wife spent most of lockdown railing against it, and moaning about how she couldn't go out and do things. Which is ironic, because she never went out before lockdown. In that time I tried to get her to change her behaviour, and explained that she needed to put some effort into our marriage only to be told that I'd promised to support her "in sickness and health until death is do part". She even suggested sending our daughter to live with other family members so that I could spend more time with her?!?

At the end of lockdown, I left the marital home. My daughter chose to come with me, even knowing that we would be homeless for quite a while. We sofa-surfed and house-sat and borrowed caravans and tents for 6 weeks. It was great, but also really hard. Finally we found a small property to rent and live there now. We are so relaxed and happy now. Even my in-laws have supported us as we moved onto the next stage of our lives. Only one person (my own mother!) has been unsupportive - due to her religious beliefs. I left with only a few clothes, and have been told that the rest of them will be sent to charity shops. Oh well.

My wife has carers from an agency in every day now. I believe that two of them have already asked not to work with her...

I made the right decision for me and my girls. I am so much better, and so are they. When I started this thread, it was partly as a contract with myself. I've stuck to it.

There are bad times, when I feel guilty. But not very many. And then I look at how well my daughters are doing now and even that guilt evaporates.

This forum is an important place, where we can seek support, and guidance, and even fair criticism.
Everyone here is an important part of my life, both in the past and going forward.

Take care, everyone, and love yourselves. You're doing great!
Just a quick message, to say well done to you.

I'm so pleased for you and your girls.

Happy for you that you have reached your desired destination. In this caring game, I'm sure we all have daily soul searching and poor me moments. I have well meaning family members, who in trying to big me up, sow the seed of change when they say they would have walked by now. I love my wife, but hate her condition, but I am of the old school of obeying the vows and will see this through.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you definitely made the right decision in moving out.
My view on the marriage vows is that you BOTH made them.
They are about forming a partnership where you look after each other, not a situation where one uses the vows as an excuse to take, take, take from a relationship without making any effort to do something in return.
To me, your wife broke the partnership, not you.
Whilst you did your very best, she did nothing.
The very idea that you should send a child away so you could spend more time looking after her just shows how flawed she is!
Once you become parents, I believe your children must be your first responsibility.
You have done the right thing for your kids.
I wish you every happiness for your future.