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Sister - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Sister

For issues specific to caring for someone with learning disabilities
Ontheverge,

the current set up is not fair on you nor your sister. She needs a life and so do you. She is probably acting in the way she is because she isn't getting enough stimulation and doesn't have enough meaningful social interaction. You are acting as you are because you feel trapped, have been caring for too long and your neighbours are hellish to live next too.

Getting her the right support would enable her to learn to new skills, it would also give you all a break from each other.

Please contact social services and get your Mum and sister assessed for support and a carer's assessment for you. Tough if they don't want it. You need them to have support to take some of the pressure of you.

You used to get away and stay in a hotel for a break have you done that recently?

Melly1
Melly - Mum won't agree to any of it. It's strange when the diabetic and arthritis nurse phones up and she says she is tickety boo, no issues at all when in reality, she can't use her right hand anymore and her left is going too. I've tried speaking to them but they say they will only speak to Mum.

I called the nurse over not long ago to do her diabetic tests but she refused to open the door.

I'm glad you mentioned what you did about my sister. I've not really seen her as a person, I just see her as a burden. As awful as it may sound, that's how it is but I will try and move past that mindset.

Mum was saying sister wakes up at 5am everyday and then goes down and comes up and gown down and up and down and up until others wake up. Then during the day, she just goes to her room and stays there until it's time to eat. She then moans about her sciatica but why on earth would you go up and down numerous times if you are in pain?

There is obviously something not right with her but she is not fully "unwell" or "disabled". She loves going shopping or to the local shops for a gossip. She loves eating. It's just all the household chores and things where all of a sudden, she can't do anything.

Every afternoon after lunch, I put all the cups and cutlery in the sink, let it soak and clean it all - what does she do, goes and sits in the front room. When I am sweeping the front room - what does she do, goes and sits in the kitchen.

No hotel stays I'm afraid. Since I got COVID last year, I'm reluctant to even go outside. Was made to go into the office this week and guess what, I tested positive when I came home! Just my luck. I'm keeping away from the others at home and have got 2 masks and gloves on just in case.

BB - does your son do any household things or do you have to do it all for him? I know you said he is living somewhere and he has people that do a few things for him.
M lives in a privately rented flat with carer support. SSD moved him here from a shared home, I was dead against it, because as there are no friends to talk to at the flat, he rings me every night. He is very sociable, kind, caring. Worries about his speech problems.
As he is brain damaged, he's a Jekyll and Hyde. At 43, he can't read, write or do any maths. He can drive a tractor, and a 10 ton steam roller, he knows far more about it than I do, but his eldest brother is in charge. He has a photographic memory for things way back in his childhood, can recognise a steam engine by it's chimney top and canopy (which his dad couldn't). He is very house proud, his place is much tidier than mine, but I wish his staff would take him out more. M has always enjoyed vacuuming from a young age, but doesn't always check his washing up, often his cups aren't perfectly clan. He does all his own washing and drying, and has been known to iron a woven shirt!!
His road safety is very poor, so he needs someone with him, and as he can't count, he can't go shopping by himself.
In short, you never know what he can do and what he can't, and it varies!
ontheverge wrote:
Sat Jul 16, 2022 4:13 pm
Melly - Mum won't agree to any of it. It's strange when the diabetic and arthritis nurse phones up and she says she is tickety boo, no issues at all when in reality, she can't use her right hand anymore and her left is going too. I've tried speaking to them but they say they will only speak to Mum.
You can always write to them or ask to speak to them without their needing to discuss - all you want to do is give them information. Make it clear that way and they should agree. Some won't but that breaches their guidelines on confidentiality. They have a duty to gather all the information they need, and they can't always rely on just the patient for that. As long as they don't say anything covered by confidentiality rules, they can listen to everything you want to tell them, if it's relevant to their role.