Brother in Hospital

[Lindi]

Hi can I have a rant please. My brother had a fall a week ago Saturday he got taking to Hospital where after a scan was told he had broken/fractured a small bone in his neck. They were going to discharge him but I said no way it was an unsafe discharge, anyway next day I was called as they could not control him and he refused to wear a neck brace again I said he is not coming home like that if he has another fall he could end up paralysed. Monday a team of Docs, social workers and OT agreed he could not come home and put A DOL on him as a safequard as he does not have the capacity to make his own decisions. Today I went in and he had his clothes packed and when I said he wasn't coming home yet he got in a rage so I walked out saying if he didn't stop I was leaving at that he got a chair and was throwing it against the wall, I managed to calm him down and when I left he was a bit better. They are going to send him for reenablement but due to Covid most places are shut. I feel like not going in any more until they sort something out and I feel this might be the end of my caring for him. He is 78 I am 61 and feel my life is over and the only way I will ever get peace in this world is if I am no longer here as it is the only way out

[bowlingbun]

Lindi,

You should never EVER have been left to care for your brother at all.

I have a son with severe learning difficulties, I promised my eldest son that I never expected him to care for his brother, but I did expect him to keep an eye on him.
NO ONE can force you to care for your brother, and you are quite entitled to say enough is enough.
Nurses at the hospital have now seen what he is like, and he must either stay in the hospital or go to a rehab hospital until they can find him a permanent home. Whilst he is in NHS provision, the NHS can put huge pressure on Social Services, who have funds and responsibilities to meet his care needs for life.

Do NOT agree to have him home ever again, once he is home, then you have lost all leverage.

Plan to go away for a few days, starting next Saturday, so you are simply not contactable.

[Lindi]

Thanks BB for your help I feel better about outcome today

[bowlingbun]

Expect to be bullied, I'm afraid.
Do you and your brother both have "Care Act Advocates"?
Has he had an "NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment - bearing in mind they've seen him lose his temper with you.
Say that you are frightened of him.
They must take all this into account, as part of the CHC Assessment.
Take a look at the "CHC Framework" and see how you would score him.

[Lindi]

Well I am having a pass the parcel with my brother. Social services have told me to phone a number for CHC as since the hospital released him for rehab it is up to them, the hospital have already told me he has not got health but social needs it is up to social services. He was passed to social services who found him the placement. I think they will send him home next week and I will be footing the bill they have told me not to phone CHC before 28th as they can do nothing because of the virus. Looked at CHC checklist I don't think he will pass

[Lindi]

How do I get an advocate as I am totally confused which I think is their aim

[bowlingbun]

Google the NHS Continuing Healthcare Framework.
The hospital are responsible for his rehab, FREE of charge, if they placed him there.

Make it very clear that YOU WILL NOT BE PAYING FOR ANYTHING.
Keep repeating this like a stuck record player.
Send a letter to wherever he is, stating this, send it Recorded Delivery.

If your brother needs care, then the cost of that care is free if it's NHS, or chargeable to your brother AFTER a comprehensive financial assessment of HIS finances, absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever.

Does he have over £23,000 in savings?
Does he own property?

From now on tell them that you will not discuss this either in the place he is at, or on the phone.
All future communication must be by email. If they try to talk to you, tell them to email it to you instead.
Take the upper hand.

[Lindi]

Hi No he does not have £23000 in savings my name is on the deeds of house. He is being lovely in the Care Home got told they couldn't see what the problem was Ha Ha wait a few days they will find out

[bowlingbun]

Good that the house is yours. Social Services are responsible for funding your brother's care. If they mention "top ups" expeting you to pay, they are acting unlawfully.
Try to relax now, warm bath, cocoa, etc., whatever you like most.

[Lindi]

Thank you it is good to talk to someone