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Carers UK Forum • How to tell someone they're not good at something - Page 4
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Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:22 am
by malc
well said charles and late of this parish,the disability is not the point in question,the ability is and a disabled person should not expect to have any special treatment because they are disabled,whatever the disability may be,exactly the same as expecting special treatment because of race or age or gender.when my kids were at school i didn't push them to join the choir,the main reason being that they can't sing,and it wouldn't of made any difference if they were disabled,my children are as special to me as your children are to you,love for your kids is unconditional whether or not they are disabled,fight their corner but the right fights.

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:24 am
by rabidrabbit
What I cannot fathom is why late of this parish didn't make it clear that the group was a select group of accomplished musicians at the start. Of course no one would expect someone without the the skill to join in those circumstances. I do object to the negative portrayal of the man in question regarding his personal skills and abilities and the assumptions made about his family. I think it would have been sufficient to say that he was not a skilled musician rather than give him a character assassination and imply that he was violent. I'm sorry but I see a lot of prejudice shining through in some posts. Also- as this part of the forum is for carers of people with LD - wouldn't this topic have been better posted elsewhere on the forum?

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:27 am
by Lazydaisy
I feel the same Dragonlady.

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 4:53 am
by charles47
I think the location of the post is ok - the original poster was seeking thoughts and ideas about how to deal with a situation they had no prior experience of, around LDs. And they wanted to deal with the situation sensitively.
Can anyone advise how to gently but firmly let someone know that they can't do something without
i) upsetting them too much
ii) falling foul of the PC brigade
The OP clearly took the point that we've been making recently about keeping information as privately as possible: give too much information and you can become readily identifiable. Happened to me a while back and before I knew it someone had tracked down who I was, where I lived and where I work. I didn't give that much information away - but it's amazing how much is out there already. Trouble is, how do you describe a situation around an emotive subject?

And it's emotive in two ways. It's certainly emotive for parents like me. I want Mike to be able to try whatever he wants to have a go at, and often there are people who consider that his very presence is unacceptable to "ordinary decent folk". Well, Mike's a decent bloke actually.

It's also emotive for the group: they are carrying out an activity that requires some measure of skill and the point of that is to create, or to recreate, a thing of beauty.

I don't know about anyone else but no amount of trying to understand an individual will make me feel positive about their actions, if those actions mean that I have lost something precious to me.

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:45 am
by late of this parish
I think the location of the post is ok - the original poster was seeking thoughts and ideas about how to deal with a situation they had no prior experience of, around LDs. And they wanted to deal with the situation sensitively.
Image That's why I posted here, Asking people who had the most practical knowledge and experience seemed the best way
The OP clearly took the point that we've been making recently about keeping information as privately as possible]

True Image ... and it shows that the posts on safe internet use were read Image

Anyway all has been resolved peacefully without upsetting 'A' which was the main aim Image He was told yesterday that we were stopping and bought a large coffee and slab of cake to make it like a 'farewell party' . The smile on his face went from ear to ear and he went off happy, his family (who were only trying to do the best for him) haven't been upset either which is a bonus.

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:29 am
by rabidrabbit
Sorry Charles I disagree. This part of the forum should be SAFE for us- the carers of people with learning disability. How PATRONISING of late of this parish to think she has done it all ok by giving the man a bit of cake. I'll give her some advice- try treating adults with LD like ADULTS!!!!
She wouldn't have got herself in such a situation in the first place. She should also stop making negative assumptions and judgements
Adults and carers of people with LD have to live with this this sort of rubbish all the time. I don't personally need music groups etc to help me care - the main stress in my life is having to deal with IGNORANT people and MY role as a carer would be made much easier if IGNORANT people were kept out of this part of the forum.

Oh- I'm sorry- it seems that carers of people with LD don't have the same rights as other carers.

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:48 am
by malc
dragonlady,just because an opinion isn't the same as yours it doesn't make it wrong,that's why it's a forum that works.why shouldn't people who care for people without ld's give opinions,personally i welcome other peoples opinions when i post in the dementia section whether or not they care for a spouse with alzheimers or not.

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:20 am
by rabidrabbit
Malc this is not about my opinion- this is about prejudice. How safe is this forum when person can denigrate a man with Downs Syndrome giving clues to his name and whereabouts. His carers could very well be reading this and there are two sides to every story. No- you don't care for someone with LD - I don't know anything about your sort of caring so I don't butt in about things I know nothing about as I do not wish to be insensitive. We have laws to protect us from other people's misguided "opinions"- you would never think so though Image

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:35 am
by malc
dragonlady,the last part of the post was about opinions and the fact you were saying that carers for ld's opinions only should count,then i said that i welcome other opinions about dementia,the first part of the post was in my opinion about a chap with downs who joined a group unsuitable for him,pushed by his parents and the person wanted to know how to get him to leave without upsetting him,as simple as that,please read my thoughts earlier in the topic.

Re: How to tell someone they're not good at something

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:32 pm
by rabidrabbit
Oh well Malc- do feel free to be offensive as you like. Come on down all you Frankie Boyle lovers and give us your opinion. Well everybody has an opinion on people with LD. I hear them all the time- it seems they and their carers are public property. Feel free to post negative and unpleasant and judgmental personal details about people on forums they and their families might see. They don't have any rights of privacy after all like real people! In fact everyone and his dog has an opinion on how we should live our lives, usually based on ignorant prejudice. Oh and don't worry about the "politically correct brigade" - they tend not too worry about us too much. Late of this parish might have made a hash of everything but i'm sure with the best possible intentions based on her ignorant prejudice. Anyone with any common sense would have simply spoken to the carer or support worker first- not spread it about on the internet- then we are public property of course. I mean how does one deal with these people- they're not like us are they? They might attack me or complain.

Actually you will find most people generally amiable and willing to co operate-. We even smile and nod nicely when inside we are thinking "stupid a**ehole" . We do that quite a lot actually!