Physical and financial abuse

For issues specific to caring for someone with learning disabilities
This week, I have made a formal complaint of physical and financial abuse concerning my son, who has brain damage. Aged 37, he has a mental age equivalent to a 3 year old - my 4 year old grandson is definitely more capable.
When growing up, M's family nickname was "Skinny Ribs". He had an active life and ate lots of home grown organic veg. When he left college, his weight was normal, and that didn't change until he moved into "Supported Living" 10 years ago. Care staff just wanted to cook quick and easy things, couldn't be bothered to go for walks, and boredom set in, quickly followed by snacking. Five care agencies and ten years later, he weighs around 19 stone and now has a 47" waistline. I've had to buy a complete new wardrobe, recently he went a whole week at his flat without having ANY fruit or veg other than potatoes!!
All my pleas to take him for walks (we used to walk 2 or 3 miles most nights at home) have fallen on deaf ears. He's had a gym assessment but is never taken, etc. Social Services Care Manager (what a misnomer!) just ignored my concerns.
He has a budget of £100 a week but averages spending £130 a week, supported to buy stuff he really doesn't need at all. Latest example £40 on inkjet ink for an obsolete printer when there is a bigger better one full of ink!!!
Finally, the Social Services Area Manager has responded to my complaint. I'd just seen my counsellor who suggested that an investigative journalist would have a field day, so I told the Area Manager this. All of a sudden, I had his full attention!!!
To the best of my knowledge and belief, I have never asked anyone to do something they shouldn't have been doing anyhow. The AM is seeing the Care Agency Area Manager today - the same company is engaged to support every service user in a vast area of the county, so it's really serious. Will keep you posted about developments. Meanwhile, I'm not sleeping very well.

So now I've made a formal complaint of physical and financial abuse.
I'll be keeping up with great interest..
Its difficult to "take on" these kind of issues, so I salute the fact that you are - let's hope things start to change; not only for your son, but for others in the same situation!
B B. Surprising how mentioning the media can make the powers that be jump. A very different scenario for me, but I threatened the papers once, to do with work. Within 15mins I had a call back and the ball was rolling in the right direction.
It's awful it's come to this for you. I know it's not ideal, but surely the staff can use frozen veg. I do to be honest. Better than no veg. They haven't any excuses for any of this abuse. I'm appalled at them buying cartridges for an obsolete printer.
I'm not surprised you're not sleeping well. That in itself is going to make you I'll again. I know my reply isn't much help to you but I'm definitely on your side. (((Hugs)))
Hi BB good for you in doing this it takes some kind of warning to make these individuals sit up and take note but as i have said many times before it is so sad that we have to fight constantly for some kind of care you must be absolutely shattered and my thoughts are with you especially when you have always come through with the best of advise to anyone needing help on the forum which is greatly appreciated on my part so maybe not of that much help with advise myself however always here and sending lots((((hugs)))) take care x
I'm sure one of the main problems is that everything is new at the moment, an entirely new system was introduced in April. None of the staff concerned have known me or M for long, they are all under huge pressure to cut budgets, and at the moment, they are desperately short of staff due to summer holidays. I think it was assumed that support workers would know how to plan and cook healthy food, and that they could use a calculator and understood a money record sheet.
Never once has a sheet been completed correctly, never once has any member of staff recorded the weekly £100 going into the account they control. They don't understand that they "money out" column is where you record things that M buys, and they most definitely don't understand anything about a "balance".
Saddest thing of all is that I've never been allowed to show anyone how to do the money sheets. I used to run the inpatient accounts for a hospital in outback Australia. With nothing more than an adding machine, I would always get my monthly balance correct to the nearest cent, before I had my morning coffee on the first of the month, because the system was clear and simple. I've been told previously by SSD that it wouldn't be appropriate for me to show them how to do it as I'm "The Parent". True, but I do have accounting qualifications, and I'm good at explaining things as simply as possible.
The daft thing is that the idea of personalised care is that everyone involved should be "singing from the same hymn sheet" or whatever that saying is..
Frustrating, because with everyone working together your son could have more freedom to do the things he enjoys and make his own choices, with guidance from those who have his best interests at heart.
BB, you must be worn out. You have been fighting these issues as long as I 've known you on the forum.

I battle with S's weight periodically due to what others feed him too. Too many chips, treats, donuts, pasta bakes, crisps, garlic bread, trips to Costa, plus a free meal at the restaurant he does work experience at, each week etc He does go to the gym and swim and walk, but not enough to keep off the pounds at the amount of calories he is fed. I then make a fuss, and things improve for a bit. He needs to lose half a stone minimum. I keep pointing out he'd never cope with diabetes ...

So many LD people are overweight.

As for the money issue, who bales him out after an overspend? Is it Bank of Mum? If it was coming out of the care budget / people's wages, I bet they'd be a bit more careful!

A documentary on these issues would certainly raise awareness.

It's so easy to dish out treats. My daughter's and myself were taking goodies to hubby. He gets stuck in as well! So we decided we would have to be more careful. We still take treats but monitor more. Tell each other what we've bought. I take one little teacake or mini roll for him to have with cuppa IF the staff don't provide a biscuit or cake that day. Take a few grapes or strawberries sometimes. He has lost weight but needed to. Like you Melly I don't want weight related problems on top of everything else. I struggle with weight. Definitely have a big bum!!
Yes, most care staff need far greater training and education in healthy living, and many of them live very unhealthily themselves, as do much of the British population.
Obesity is a potential and actual killer condition, and there is no doubt that many care staff have inadequate education and often a fairly limited life experience: there are plenty of people out there who wouldn't know what to do with a carrot, avocado, tomato or cauliflower, because they were raised on starchy, stodgy food themselves.
I'm afraid that both my sons supporters, whom we employ directly, have very limited understanding of cooking or healthy eating: this doesn't matter much as he lives at home with us, but if he does eat out he often comes home with raised blood sugar levels -and this is mainly a reflection of the kind of 'food' served in the vast majority of convenience cafes , cinemas and so on. However we have issued firm guidance: soup, baked potatoes with coleslaw or tuna, tea or water, salads, low calorie drinks, are fine: milky Starbucks or Costa coffee, chips, burgers, and pizza are not. Luckily J is not a sugar addict or fat-lover, in fact at home he drinks decaff coffee with a drop of milk, no sugar. We never buy cake or biscuits, except as a rare treat. We do keep some beer in the fridge for him, but opt for the zero alcohol versions like Becks Blue.

I don't think most people realise that a Mocha sauce, Frappuccino® contains 410 calories, including 140 grams of fat, and 61 grams of sugar - and that your body does not actually need that much fat or sugar - this is just an addiction created by the food industry. Beer is far healthier than these kind of coffees!
I recently had an email from a care agency manager saying it wasn't their fault it he didn't eat healthily!! Ridiculous. The care plan specifies exactly what he should be eating, and so what they need to buy. Fresh meat, fresh vegetables, fresh fruit. One week recently he didn't have ANY fruit or veg. He comes home and says about "Mum's delicious home cooking" - that's just meat, veg, and gravy. He grew up on home grown organic veg, he'll eat any veg you put in front of him. Still, we'll have to wait and see what happens now.
I transfer £100 a week from the separate account in my name all his benefits go into, and all the utilities etc. are paid out of "my" account. He comes home regularly, so staff should be spending well under £100 those weeks, with the unspent money saved up for trips out each month, but that never happens any more. It's been agreed with SSD that I can have £100 a week for food etc., but I haven't taken it for a while as he keeps spending too much. So either I let him go overdrawn and incur charges (a previous care agency clocked up £150 of overdrawn charges in a month!!) or I have to top up the account. No money left for me then.