Wondering how or if others manage to fit in work with care

[Anne001]

Henrietta,

I worked full time while caring for mum with dementia and various physical ailments. Looking back, I don't know how I managed it. I did have the ability to work from home when necessary, or rather work from mum's. The reality though is that I was permanently exhausted. All my leave for at last five years was spent on her hospital appointments. Mum wouldn't go to daycare either so I managed a combination of carers 4x a day, plus, cleaner, gardener, dementia sitter (mum hated the latter) and refused to speak to them ). On the plus side, it kept my mortgage paid, cv intact and gave me a reminder of life outside caring.

The tipping point came when mum was waking me up most days about 3am to go to school and when I was called out of work three times in one week to attend to crises. She then ended up back in hospital and from there to a nursing home.

In short, it can be done but at a cost to your own health ...

[Scally]

Yes, I guess that most of us will need to keep the nursing home option as the backstop: but there is an easier way than to wait for the crisis, and this is to start exploring nursing homes for respite breaks for a week or two at a time, then gradually increase them to two and four weeks.
There are ways and means of securing consent from an unwilling relative for care by others - and mainly it is about subtly shifting the balance of power to yourself, whilst using the full force of persuasion and coercion.

[Pope_Pourri]

Hi Henrietta,

I work full time while caring for my dad.
I'm an emergency services shift worker, which often works in my favour because I'm often off during the day so I can go to appointments with Dad.
My partner is unable to work due to caring full time for his mum.
The three of us live together and Dad lives alone in older people's accommodation.
My partner is unable to drive and has health concerns of his own, so as well as work and dealing with my dad, I also do all the shopping, driving to appointments, and pick up the slack for my partner when he is unwell.
I wouldn't so much say I'm balancing and juggling as winging it. Most of the time I'm flying by the seat of my pants with everything crossed.
Luckily, my managers at work are very understanding - such as the weekend before last when Dad had an episode in the middle of the night where he believed his wallet and keys had been stolen by the two (imaginary) girls who live in his hallway. I was on a night shift at the time and was able to take an early lunchbreak, drive over to Dad's, find the missing items, tuck him back into bed and return to the office. They've also let me change a few of my start and finish times to give me more time at home during the day.
I'd be lying if I said it was easy, and I'm now on antidepressant medication where I never was before, but I'm coping.
Good luck!