This is harder than I thought

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Mary I live in Essex so I dont know how SS operate in London. My father in law has 3 carers calling every day (he has dementia) and they are supplied by an agency used by SS. He pays full whack for his care, about £13ph. He opted to do this, as luckily he can afford it, but it could have been 'means tested' on his savings if he was willing to show his bank statements etc. I think you need some decent advice, try phoning the Carers UK line. I do hope they can help.
Good luck.
Dear Deborah,
Thanks for this.
Mum went home Sunday and mixed feelings all round.
I know so little about this condition and as people have said everyone is different anyways.
Thing is she was so eager to get gone and I considered her very lucid that morning, she came down with her bag packed, had left all the stuff that didn't belong to her in the room but then talked about being picked up the next day! I really had the impression that she knew perfectly well that she was going.
There is history here that is so long and complicated but suffice to say my mother always liked to play ditszy even though she is very intelligent as it always went down a treat with the men in the family.
I really don't want to cast doubt on the severity of her condition but her preference is to be with my brothers as they are not married, she has always considered any of her children marrying as an act of betrayel and actively dislikes my and my brothers spouses, long before any dementia.
It was very hurtful to see her break her neck to get out the door as fast as possible when one of the unmarried brothers came to pick her up.
I'm left thinking everything has changed and yet nothing has changed and there is more going on with her than she would like us to believe.
Another thing I wanted to ask those of you experienced with dementia, would it be normal for someone to look you straight in the eye with their normal composure and say they do not know who you are? Hard to illustrate what I mean but I suppose demeaner is not in any way confused.
Vicky
Another thing I wanted to ask those of you experienced with dementia, would it be normal for someone to look you straight in the eye with their normal composure and say they do not know who you are? Hard to illustrate what I mean but I suppose demeaner is not in any way confused.
Vicky
Oh yes Vicky, very normal - my Mum does it all the time with me and I live with her 24/7 Image She'll look straight at me and say something like "When is Sue coming home ?" and when I say "I am Sue" she says "Not you, I mean my daughter Sue". Then I say "I am your daughter Sue" and she says "No you're not" with a look that says 'I know you are lying to me'.

She sees my sister 3 times a week and always knows who she is. I find it really hard to deal with as up until recently we have always been 'best friends' as well as Mother and Daughter, but that seems to have all gone from her memory along with everything else. I KNOW it's the dementia, but I still find it very upsetting.
Vicky
Susieq is absolutely right. Things can be said with absolute conviction, it can take your breath away at times Image Behind dementia I think there is still parts of the person they were, and if they were difficult before I dont really think that changes. So you get traits of their usual personality and this new personality which is so stange. My friend's mother rings every frequently with 'you'll never guess where I am'. Its the care home she's been in for the last 3 years. When my friend says shes knows her mother is amazed and says 'who told you'. My friend visits her several times a week! You will get more used to the situation, its hard, some days it wont bother you and other days its hell. Keep posting, it helps to stay in touch with others in your situation.
Image

Does anyone know why a World War 2 veteran aged 95 has been asked to show his
bank details before Social Services will give any help? My husband is looked after 24/7
by me and SS won't even offer one day a week respite. Does anyone know about charity workers?

Thanks

Mary
Image Anyone noticed how quickly your friends disappear when your
partner/husband has dementia? Everyone loves people who are
funny, brilliant, contribute to the party etc. As long as people can
get things out of a person, they'll hang around. When they realise
they can get nowhere (because of the dementia) they vanish. Then
you're left on your own.
[quote]]

Because all services are means-tested, I am afraid that no-one is exempt from means-testing. Dependent on your husband's income and your LA's charging policy he might qualify for free respite. You might also wish to approach your local Crossroads, they offer a sitting service, charges vary from area to area, in our area, for example, carers are allowed 72 hours free sitting and then have to be means-tested by the local SSD, and the waiting lists tend to be very long, worth talking to them though and seeing what they can offer.
In my case, although means-tested if applied to my mother (the patient) Social Services are able to help me as Carer, non means-tested.

Thus, they could not pay for Day Care for her, but they can and do pay for Day Care for her to enable me as Carer to have a break.

Same result....different approach.