That's fine Anne, you're not hijacking my post at all, just contributing.

Susie, my Dad is very much the same, with the out of sight, out of mind thing. This means I have to be careful that once I've said goodbye to him I actually leave straight the home away, because if he catches sight of me again later, talking to staff or something, then he thinks I've just arrived! I don't like to think of him imagining that I've come to the home but am ignoring him.

Before my father's care needs grew, I would only see him about once a week, and often he wasn't interested in making conversation with me or would be napping, after a drinking session. As his needs grew, I ended up visiting most days to care for him, but it took its toll on my health. Now that his care is provided by the home I feel no obligation to visit him every day, but I do feel sorry for him, as he has very few visitors apart from me.

I know that my company is of little interest to him, but being taken to the pub takes the edge off his boredom. If he had his way he'd be driving himself to the pub every day, drinking there till it closed, then driving home with a bottle of whisky to drink until he passed out. It's not my presence that he craves, it's his old lifestyle that he misses.