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Not Sure - Carers UK Forum

Not Sure

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Hi all. My dad is coming up 85 and though he's been a bit absent minded for years, recently after a spate of Urinary Tract and chest infections, I can really see the difference. The last time he had a UTI, after the antibiotics he got back to what we'd call normal again but this time with his chest infection, it seems to be taking longer and I'm wondering if this is the way things are going to stay? At the minute we're in the middle of having a lot of blood tests and he had a chest x-ray yesterday, which we'll get the results for next week.
He's getting up in the middle of the night thinking it's time to get up. He won't remember what I've just told him but remembers what I told him yesterday Image It doesn't help that he has hearing problems, which he won't address.
I mentioned the memory clinic this morning to him and he said "you go, then you can teach me". How do I explain that the reason my own memory is getting so bad is worry and the fact that I have to remember all his stuff too?
I do know that he's fed up of feeling poorly at the moment, he hates that his routine is messed up because I won't let him drive and I'm dealing with doctors/nurses etc because he can never remember what they tell him.
How do you all cope with taking somebody's responsibilities away from them inch by inch? Or am I being too much of a control freak here?
the responsibilities thing becomes normal after a while,it's like the relationship changes to fit the new rules that mother nature has gave you to play with,instinct if you like.don't forget your heart is breaking at the same time your learning the new rules,so it will be difficult to get your head round it all.the person you knew will change but cherish the time you have with them and remember it's ok to be angry with the condition but always love the person with it because they're alright,quite happy in their new reality where nothing can hurt them.hope this helps a little,it helps me carry on caring for my wife who is only 41 with alzheimers
Malc is quite right. My oh doesn't have dementia, but bit by bit what he does have has erroded the man he was away and bit by bit I've taken over responsibility for everything.
I don't feel guilty because someone has to be in control.......just very sad.
Thanks malc,
The thing I love about this forum, even after so short a time, is that as well as getting great advice from caring carer's like you, things get put in perspective. What you have said helps enormously and thank you for saying it.
Myrtle, thank you.
((((((hugs))))))) to you both
thats ok,glad to help,i always tell people that i feel quite qualified in a lot of things i didn't want to be qualified in ie alzheimers,i would of been quite happy not knowing anything about this horrible condition and i'm sure my kids would agree with me,but i love my wife more than ever and try to cherish what we have how ever long it lasts,a negative in to a positive.don't worry if you post something that you think might appear silly to others because it might be a major issue for you and i guarantee somebody will be along to help you
If it worries you, then it's not silly. We care for many diverse conditions on here, yet they can have a lot in common and sometimes you get the answer from the last person you think might know Image
If he wants to play the old "after you" card, which it seems like he's doing.... perhaps you could ask for a double length appointment, then request that they throw similar questions as they'll be asking him your way as well?

That way, you can fib and say that they tested you too.
Last night he asked me 'what's this memory clininc thing?' So I said I'd show him the website this morning.....here's hoping Image