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Slowly losing a loved one to dementia - Page 7 - Carers UK Forum

Slowly losing a loved one to dementia

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
70 posts
Hi Sajehar,

It may have been confusion from the dream or it may be the onset of dementia. Only time will tell. I do know how upsetting it is though the first time that you are called by someone else's name Image . At least you got the toast right!
I forgot to add that Doreen is my mum's slightly younger sister; they were dead close as Doreen nursed mum when she had double pnemonia when mum was about 6. Doreen was the first person mum saw when her fever broke, as Doreen never left her side.
I've lernt this in the past few months.
Oddly enough, I look more like Doreen than my mum; I have black hair like Doreen, not blond (when younger) like my mum.
Maybe mum was dreaming, and that's why she confused us?

I hope so, but I think maybe that's wishful thinking?

Sometimes I wish I had a scart lead to plug into her and my brain. Then I'd know what she was really thinking... maybe???

Also, Sussexrox, a few minutes later, when I gave her the cheese on toast with tomatoes, she called me by my real name; as if the Doreen stuff had never happened.

She's since always called me by my real name, but a bit of me is on tenterhooks waiting for it to happen again.

I wish she'd never had that bloody dream.
I used to think I was alone until I found this wondedrful forum.

I've been looking after mum for close on a year now & juggling caring for her with a full time job. There is the me that copes with anything & keeps a face to theworld that I want them to see then there is the me that sits down late at night and just want to cry. At work all I am allowed to be is a professional who copes no matter what.

I can still remember how mum was just a short while ago and how she is now; I cherish the good times we have and try and deal withan increasing amount of bad days as she has other issuses including both forms of arthritis at severe stages.
At times she is more like a sister than my mother -this are the times that I want to remember rather then seeing her as someone who disappears a little more each day.

To all those out there who also do all they can to help loved ones - you are an inspiring group of people. Image
"Slowly losing a loved one to dementia" to me is like living grief - I grieve for me dear old Dad but can accept he's in a better place where he is both mentally and physically pain free but Dear Old Mum is, when she has bad days, living in torment, confused and scared as to why she can't remember and I feel a similar feeling to that of my Dad but added to that is the sadness and guilt that I cannot no matter how I try ease her mental pain and that leaves me very stressed at times. But folks all I can do is sign on here and very quickly realise I am not alone many of you cope with the same torments xxxxxxx
Went to see mum the other day ,for the first time ever she didn't know who I was and asked me why I was there ,like other people have said I should appreciate every lucid moment ,but they seem to be dwindling ,this truly is an awful disease.
Yes, it is very hard, Jane. I am struggling too. Mum asked me yesterday if I was the baby she had when she was younger and if so, why no-one ever told her Image . To cap it all, when I got back last night to my own house, her brother rang me to see if she was OK. I said why don't you phone her and ask? Oh, there doesn't seem much point - she is too confused was the reply. The whole point is that she hears his voice at least especially as he hasn't visited for 2 years. I think the least he can manage is a 5 min phonecall. Sorry, rant over Image
I know how you feel Anne ,the saying is true "you can pick your friends but not your relations ",all you want is a bit of help ,that's not too much to ask.
I have the same problems with one of my brothers. Her face lights up when he visits, but he can NEVER thing of anything to say.
I feel like hitting him... is this normal? I do believe I'm losing my rag!
When I visited my father in care he asked where my brother was.
He died over 50 years ago.
My father did recognise me.
Sadly he built up a distrust of doctors and nurses.
My 2 daughters tried to visit him a few times but they are both nurses.
My 1 son in law is a doctor and the other is a dentist. Dad was convinced they were both doctors.
I suppose my son in law is a teeth doctor and he does know a lot about non dental related health problems.

I think maybe I'm jealous. But setting that aside, he could make an effort. He just sits there like a lemon. Talk to her about anything, the price of coffee, the war, even Liverpool FC, for god's sake!
But he dashes off after mumbling excuses about 10 minutes later. That drives me nuts as I know how much these visits mean... ARRRRGH!!!!
70 posts