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Slowly losing a loved one to dementia - Carers UK Forum

Slowly losing a loved one to dementia

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
70 posts
It's the cruelest illness I have ever seen.
My hubby is in the end stage dementia after 8 weeks in hospital.
Breaks my heart every single day.
he is 63.
((hugs)), Sussex. You are an inspiration caring for your mum full-time. I'm not sure I will have the courage to do it.

Daylily, your husband is so young to have reached this stage- a dreadful disease.

Not sure what stage my mum is (diagnosis next week) but over the weekend I had her in tears (very rare) because she didn't know I was the little girl she brought up ... I took her shopping to distract her but when we came back, she told me about the Anne who took her shopping .... Apparently she is a bit simple Image . I find it very difficult to care for someone who doesn't know who I am 50% of the time ...
Hi Anne,
Just wanted to say that if I'm having a difficult time with mum and getting frustrated, I leave the room put on a big smile and return.... she thinks I'm someone else and will tell me about the awful woman who was just here. lol

Mostly mum does remember me and I have found that even during the times she doesn't seem to, if I take all pressure off her and ask her she will get it right. If she's stressed she's more likely to get it wrong.

Deep down your mum will know you but she can't get it right in words.

Scruffy x
Wow, somehow it is a relief to find out I'm not the only one, although I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Sussex, there are two of me and although Good Anne sounds as if she does quite a lot, Bad Anne is very bossy, scruffy, worries about mum's tablets when there is no need, makes a mess and makes her eat a lot. Oh, she also makes a lot of mistakes with her knitting but we mustn't tell her because we don't want to discourage her Image

Scruffy - I think you are right. If it gets too much, my safe word is "yoga". I'm off to do my yoga meets mum's approval because as she kindly put it "at your age you need to be careful you don't let yourself go". Image
Oh bless them all. lol
They don't half come out with some comments don't they ?

My mum used to be a nurse and when she was in hospital a couple of years ago she was apparently answering the phone as a nurse which was causing mayhem on the ward. I only found out from one of the cleaners and when I told her that mum really was once a nurse it explained why she was acting like one.

She does have a tendency to 'hide' things so nobody can pinch them. I've found all kinds of things squirreled away when I'm changing her. It's her hiding things that prevents her finding them when she wants something and so adds to her need to hide things to prevent them getting stolen.

Her latest thing is to drink her coffee and then pick it up and exclaim that someone has drunk her drink and how they keep doing this !

Scruffy x
Scruffy, New nurse on the ward Image Image .

Don't get me started on hiding things. I spend half the weekend looking in all the likely places - Detective Anne is always on the lookout for tena ladies (used or otherwise Image ), comb, hearing aid, post etc etc.

I will look out for the coffee trick. In our house someone else spills things around where mum sits. We have agreed that it is the other Anne who does this and then blames mum!
Oh mum used to hide knives down the waistband of her trousers. She will still try to hide mugs and cups behind her back on the chair, must be so uncomfortable. Sometimes they still have something in them.
She has pulled the faux leather covering off one arm of her recliner. She hadn't done any of it of course but she will say 'look at the state of this' and 'something should get done about this'. I tried but she picked that off too !

Scruffy x

My dad suffered with Altzheimers for 8 years before he died last year in March, aged 92. My mum was his full time carer and I helped out as much as possible. I agree with everyone else; dementia is such an awlful disease to have, and wouldn't want to wish it upon my worst enemy! Image

My mum still has problems finding his tools he used to use, as he swore they were being stolen all the time, either by my mum or someone else she was letting in. Image

When he was mobile, he used to regularly sneak out of house and go wandering, sometimes for hours by bus/train. Local police even had a photo to assist in finding him when possible! Luckily, most times he'd come back on his own; mum always made sure that he never had his wallet on him only his bus pass & I think a piece of paper with his name/address on.

Dad eventually couldn't do anything for himself, once things started to stop working properly. Was awlful to see him like that, just an empty shell. Was a blessing, in a sense, when he died peacefully at home in his sleep; no more pain & discomfort!

That's the best description I've ever heard of dementia. I cried. I both hate and love my mum to bits...
There are times when I just want ot hug her... she looks so scared,etc. There are times when I want to strangle her! How do I know when is which? Should I?
Sometimes I'm so confused, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I just want to cling onto mum. Sometimes I do, and we have the most remarkable of conversations,,, and I'll fight like mad for her. Other times, she just wants me to let go.
I don't know what to do?!
70 posts