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This is harder than I thought - Carers UK Forum

This is harder than I thought

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Mum staying with us this week, she is a lot worse than I first thought, keep being told how good we are to take the tall lad in and look after him, tall lad being my oldest son and her very favoured grandson.
Night time wandering, evenings are the worst but really day times not exactly good, non stop talking and questions.
Course it's harder because we are also trying to do my sons therapy but I just cannot understand my brother saying the doctor told them she isn't that bad!
Compared to what exactly?
Vicky, you're probably having a harder time of it because your mum is not in her own home: because the surroundings are not what she's used to, she may be a little more confused than usual.
Charles is so right Vicky !

I imagine, for her, it must be like being in a strange country without a map.When I go away for a couple days at the end of this month my sister is coming here to stay with Mum for exactly the same reasons.
Vicky, Someone always says she/he's not too bad. Most annoying thing I hear. When you are dealing with someone it about how it affects you, not about how someone else might be having it worse! Hope Mum will be feeling more settled soon, Im sure you are doing your very best.
Thanks everyone for words of wisdom, this is new ground for me, only know autism, mind you some real similarities I have to say.
I think it must be confusing for her to be in a different place to home even though she used to live very near and been here thousands of times in the past, so I take on board what you are saying.
It's kind of weird because sometimes I think she is pulling our legs, course she isn't but it is just so disconcerting to have my mother unsure who I am half the time or catch her at 3 in the morning with her bag trying to get out the front door, even weirder is that she looks just like she always has, incredibly good for her age, yet everything has changed.
As for the doctor, I am just blown away, surely someone who is trying to wander out in the middle of the night and doesn't recognize close family is fairly advanced with dementia?
I really thought I had heard it all while I have been dealing with autism the last ten years! This really takes the biscuit.
Hi Vicky

My Mum is in her own home but is convinced we are on holiday and keeps asking when are we going home ! Plus we have now got to the stage where half the time she is not sure who I am - she frequently asks me 'when is Sue coming home ?' or 'what is Sue doing today ?' and if I say I am Sue her answer is usually 'yes, but you're not my Sue' Image

It is recognised that there are generally 7 stages to Alzheimer's - but even stage 5, when they begin to forget the past and fail to recognise family, is only classified as 'moderate' by the medical profession; it isn't classified as 'severe' until the patient gets stage 7 when they can no longer communicate and the body starts to shut down.

I tend to think that the terms mild and moderate are used to make us (the Carers) believe that things are not as bad as we think they are. In reality, of course, by the time it gets to moderate the patient can no longer be left to live on their own as they need constant support and help with daily living.
I think part of the problem with medical types is that for them the words mild and moderate have different meaning.

The effects of a "moderate" heart attack are pretty staggering, if non-lethal.

The effects of "mild" autism - better known nowadays as Asperger Syndrome - can be like a train wreck on the family concerned.

As Susie says, the 7th stage of dementia is treated as "severe" - because it can get no worse. From that point of view, the doctor is right but it minimises and trivialises what the family has to go through.
Iv'e checked out the seven stages now and she would appear to be stage six.
She certainly wouldn't be able to keep a Blog like Norrms but then he is considerably younger so possibly a lot of variation there.
I'm a terrible person for splitting the atom and researching endlessly in an urge to know exactly where we are at.
She did have a better night last night so we all did as a consequence, been giving her fish oils since she arrived and the EPO in them does encourage restfullness.
She seems in a permanent time warp, sometimes she thinks we are still in her youth and we are all familiar with particular people gone before I was even born, places are a problem, she never is quite sure where she lives or who lives where, and is now delighted to discover she has grandchildren as though she never knew before, but then 5 minutes later asks me who the lads are in the house, on a lighter note must cut youngests hair as he has become a she Image
I'm just here to say that I empathise with you - if you have read any of my posts about my mother, you will know that her dementia has come about quickly and is getting much worse, quickly. ....It's horrid to watch isn't it? The only advantage - IF one can call it that, is that her mobility is very bad, so she can't go walkabout, even though she keeps threatening to.
I've started to make a scrapbook, with some of her old photos in, of when she was much, much younger, to remind mainly myself that she DID have a life and wasn't always this difficult, demanding, woman who can't understand much of the World around her.
I look after a 95 year old husband alone. Social Services will not help because we are not
destitute. They have told me that they will only look after people who are in receipt of benefits. Is anyone else in the same boat? We are not exactly rich but simply don't claim benefits.