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Naughty step..... - Carers UK Forum

Naughty step.....

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
All the experts tell you that a person with dementia doesnt know what they are doing so dont get cross with them....but from time to time I challenge anyone not to snap sometimes because thats what I have just done ( set the scene first Im bloody tired and full of a head cold)
Mum has to have half a glass of water type medication before she goes to bed and for some reason tonight she decided that it would be better off thrown at me and up the wall.....now to me she is just being bloody naughty so since Im now standing there dripping wet I decided that she shouldnt be left out and promptly tipped the rest of the water over her head. We where both off to bed anyway so I wasnt worried about the wet clothes....BUT now I have had time to calm down I feel so dreadfully guilty about what I did....or do I ? Does a person with dementia really truly not know what they are doing and there is no way that I can get mum to accept that her behaviour sometimes is unacceptable.....would a time out on a naughty step or punishment of confiscating her beloved Quaver crisps for a day prevent her from repeating this tomorrow night or am I fighting a loosing battle and need to invest in a wetsuit...?
I think the naughty step works for children who are learning and growing. Mum however is unlearning and diminishing. I don't blame you for your reaction, I find my mum's very mild (so far) dementia very exasperating and I do a lot of storming out into the garden while I mutter to myself and pace for a bit. However so far I haven't been soaked.
I think you'd better get that wet suit and clear a path to the garden so you can flap about in your flippers!

Elaine
This is the problem - that they are not 'learning' ....they are UNlearning....

She truly can't see the connection between 'cause' and 'effect' - she cannot learn any more. It would be like getting cross that your cat or dog can't read the notice saying 'No food till dinner time' or whatever.

It's hideously hard to accept, especially when the 'bad behaviour' seems deliberately 'wilful'. Maybe see it as her own frustration about what is 'going wrong' inside her head??.

Even in care homes, staff are not allowed to be 'on duty' too long at my MIL's place, as the manager says 'it starts to get to them too' even though they are not relatives. It is INTENSELY FRUSTATING as you know, and whilst not for a moment can one condone 'elder abuse' it is possible to understand just WHY carers can 'snap'.

That said, your 'snapping' (totally understandable as it is, believe me!) may just be an indication that caring for you mum is now no longer safe for either you, or her, and that it is 'time' for others to take over?