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phoning the neighbours all the time - Carers UK Forum

phoning the neighbours all the time

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Mum has alzheimer's and has very good neighbours who provide a lot of support and companionship for mum, I live 200 miles away so cannot pop in.

Mum has now started to phone the neighbours persistently through the day, 13 time yesterday and 6 times this morning between 9.30 and 10.00. Each day has a theme, it could be can you get me some bread and milk, today its can you help to get dressed. Mum has carers 4 times and day and district nurse 2 times a day.

I need to deal with this before it becomes day AND night, but how?
This is all too familiar. My MIL with dementia developing took to 'knocking on the door' of her very nice neighbour in the flat opposite, to ask 'this letter has arrived, what should I do with it?' kind of thing.

You can't 'stop' your mum trying to do this - as in, she is beyond understanding that she 'shouldn't. etc etc.

In terms of prevention, first of all I guess her neighours could block her number, that would be the easiest way for them I would think. Are they physically get-at-able (eg, next door!) - that is harder.

What your mum wants is 'someone there all the time'. Sadly, that can be a sign that the need for residential care is fast approaching.

What are the financial immpliations do you think? Are you 'prepared' for that eventual step.

Others here may have more practical ways to deter this happening
Hmm, could the phone be set up such that if she dials their number, it switches to you automatically, and you have yours set to voicemail, and phone her back as and when necessary?

Why aren't the carers getting her dressed? She's having a LOT of care in the home - is that not another indication that residential care is becoming the only option?

Remember, if she is not going to be self-funding, SS wil ltry and eke her out at her own home as it's so much cheaper for them than paying for a care home. It will take you to INSIST that she CANNOT cope at home any longer. Start talking about 'safeguarding' - that is an 'alarm bell' for them and they have to respond to it!!!!
Hi Jenny

Mum was in a very nice care home and very happy but wanted to go home SS said she had capacity and kicked her out.
She's been home a week becoming depressed, not drinking (again), has catheter now and yet another infection - and really miserable. Unfortunately she cant remember how happy she was in the home. It really is a fantastic home, singing and dancing, crafts and outings.

I am fighting a capacity battle with SS. We will be self finding initial but the money will run out after about a year, even though this amazing home is the cheapest in the district.

I agree that the neighbours will have to block her number. If they want to continue helping then they can approach her at set times to suit themselves. I wonder - others with more experience will know best - whether it would help if they complained to Social Services (or wrote a letter to you which you could show to SS/the GP etc)?
If mum is self funding, does SS need be involved? She/you can just choose whatever Home you want surely?
Yes indeed. However, I guess if your mum wanted to leave, and she had legal capacity, then she is 'free to leave' (and take the consequences).

Would she agree to go back in do you think? If not, then I think you should 'tough it out'.....ie, do 'nothing' for her, to seek to 'force her hand'.

Or, of course, you could try and get her declared 'of unsound mind' (ie, no legal capacity), and then she could effectively be 'sectioned' back into the home? It won't have anything to do with SS - they are not paying!
What does her GP think about whether she still has legal capacity?
Well, I think I get get on top of the phone business.

Mum is adamant that she wants to be at home, and SS say she has capacity - the law also says someone has capacity unless proved otherwise. So, I am in the process of getting a professional capacity assessment, I doubt I will get any opposition to care home from GP or memory team - but I am expecting SS will challenge in court of protection, yes they are that bad.

But I don't see that the SS has anything to do with this! IF she is self-funding for a care home, they should be GLAD she goes in - as at the moment it sounds like they have to pay for carers coming in?

I really don't see it has anything to do with SS providing your mum would be self-funding in a care home!