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- Member
Sat Mar 24, 2018 8:03 pm
Hi! I hope someone can give me advice on how to move forward with this worrying situation.
My mother is in a nursing home with dementia and I have an elderly father still living independently and one sister who I do not see or speak to. We have never got on even way before my mother went into the nursing home. My sister still works but I am retired so my Dad generally asks me first to do things for him as I mainly have the time and live nearer. My sister also occasionally goes AWOL & no one can contact her. She doesn't answer her phone or reply to texts or voicemail from me or Dad. The last time this lasted for 5 months. In that time my Dad had a couple of serious diagnoses and my Mum was diagnosed with leukaemia along with her dementia so it was important to get this info to my sister. Eventually her husband replied to a call I made & he gave my sister the update on my parents. While she has been distant I have been keeping in touch with Mum's nursing home and her GP about her illnesses. My sister recently found out that I had been in contact with Mum's GP and went to see the staff at Mum's home and apparently was concerned that she wasn't being notified about Mum's welfare. I had a phone call from the home asking me if there was Power of Attorney in place but there isn't but my Dad asked that I be appointed as an appointee with the DWP for Mum's state pension. This I do and her pension goes straight towards her care costs. My sister had a meeting with one of the nurses and that nurse asked to speak to me today. She asked if I knew that my sister had spoken to her. I did as my Dad told me. Anyway long story short, the nurse went on to tell me what a hard time my sister was having with a difficult marriage, a full time job and other worries and that as she no longer had our Mum that I should 'embrace' my sister and be a mother to her and talk to her! She seemed to have a great deal of sympathy & support for my sister without knowing my history or what had actually happened between my sister and myself to end up with us not being in communication! She said my sister was feeling left out of the loop and showed me the form that had our names & contact details on. She felt that maybe I just let my sister be the 1st person to be called if there was a problem with Mum. This would make my sister feel included! I said I would be more than happy to be the 2nd person to be called if that would make things run more smoothly. But what has really concerned me is that I felt that this nurse was out of order to tell me what to do with my sister, what my sister's personal situation was and yet said she couldn't tell me what my sister had actually said about me or anything else during their conversation!!
Can anyone advise me on whether I should take this up with the Nursing Home Manager?
I really felt patronised and the nurse had no inkling of my personal situation and had made a judgement that I should be doing more for my sister!!!
I really would appreciate any comments, opinions and advice about all of this as I now feel quite uncomfortable about going into the nursing home now.
My mother is in a nursing home with dementia and I have an elderly father still living independently and one sister who I do not see or speak to. We have never got on even way before my mother went into the nursing home. My sister still works but I am retired so my Dad generally asks me first to do things for him as I mainly have the time and live nearer. My sister also occasionally goes AWOL & no one can contact her. She doesn't answer her phone or reply to texts or voicemail from me or Dad. The last time this lasted for 5 months. In that time my Dad had a couple of serious diagnoses and my Mum was diagnosed with leukaemia along with her dementia so it was important to get this info to my sister. Eventually her husband replied to a call I made & he gave my sister the update on my parents. While she has been distant I have been keeping in touch with Mum's nursing home and her GP about her illnesses. My sister recently found out that I had been in contact with Mum's GP and went to see the staff at Mum's home and apparently was concerned that she wasn't being notified about Mum's welfare. I had a phone call from the home asking me if there was Power of Attorney in place but there isn't but my Dad asked that I be appointed as an appointee with the DWP for Mum's state pension. This I do and her pension goes straight towards her care costs. My sister had a meeting with one of the nurses and that nurse asked to speak to me today. She asked if I knew that my sister had spoken to her. I did as my Dad told me. Anyway long story short, the nurse went on to tell me what a hard time my sister was having with a difficult marriage, a full time job and other worries and that as she no longer had our Mum that I should 'embrace' my sister and be a mother to her and talk to her! She seemed to have a great deal of sympathy & support for my sister without knowing my history or what had actually happened between my sister and myself to end up with us not being in communication! She said my sister was feeling left out of the loop and showed me the form that had our names & contact details on. She felt that maybe I just let my sister be the 1st person to be called if there was a problem with Mum. This would make my sister feel included! I said I would be more than happy to be the 2nd person to be called if that would make things run more smoothly. But what has really concerned me is that I felt that this nurse was out of order to tell me what to do with my sister, what my sister's personal situation was and yet said she couldn't tell me what my sister had actually said about me or anything else during their conversation!!
Can anyone advise me on whether I should take this up with the Nursing Home Manager?
I really felt patronised and the nurse had no inkling of my personal situation and had made a judgement that I should be doing more for my sister!!!
I really would appreciate any comments, opinions and advice about all of this as I now feel quite uncomfortable about going into the nursing home now.