Please help me - Dad with dementia very severe very quickly

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Very comforting! I never thought of it like that before. Everyone here has been so supportive and nice, I cant thank you enough.

Just waiting to hear if the home want to take him, I think he had his assessment yesterday and I was supposed to hear back in the afternoon but havent heard anything yet. I'm pretyt calm now if they cant take him because the discharge/home coordinator at the hospital said we've worked really fast so they know we aren't taking the p so if this one falls through its not like we need to settle for anywhere just so he can leave the hosp which is a bit of a relief. The only other place local is the one I mentioned above, the coordinator said it will have a massive spotlight on it now so it might be fine, but it has top up fees.....she said we might be able to negotiate with a panel (?) if we put forward a strong enough case for it having to be that one. SO Im guessing that because its local we can say it means he'll get more, shorter visits a week from just one or two of us staggered out rather than one long visit with everyone which might be a bit overwhelming, its better for Mum and her anxiety issues as theres no way she'd be able to travel further afield, we can get there within 3 minutes if theres any problems.

Does anyone know about Pensions? My Dad has a couple of private pensions and Ive read that he can nominate to pass 50% on to mum as shes now worrying how she'll cope money wise (she has state and private pension but Dads income from his pensions was much more than mums. Will the finance assessment take this into account anyway or does he actually have to nominate to pass it on to Mum, bearing in mind his condition?
jenny lucas wrote:
Mon Jan 22, 2018 6:57 pm

I can remember, a good while back now, on this forum, someone saying she was upset that their mum with dementia kept thinking the forum member, the daughter, was actually the mum's long dead sister. I think the answer came back 'Look, the important thing is not whether she knows exactly WHO you are, but that you are SOMEONE SHE LOVES WHO IS IMPORTANT TO HER'....

I think that's very comforting, don't you?
It was me that posted my Mum thought I was her long dead sister (or, alternatively her even longer dead Mother !) - but yes, even though she didn't know who I was she knew I was someone who loved her and cared for her :)
Susie, I always thought that such a lovely thing to think! Also, in a way, it's lovely as a whole to my mind that the very elderly start remembering their longago pasts, childhoods and so on - to me, it's a way of their lives starting to come 'full circle'. My own mother often said to me in the months before she died of heart disease, that she 'kept dreaming' of her grandmother, who had raised her, and how my mother felt that she was 'calling to her'.

I would love to think that does happen, and will happen to us, when our time approaches, and we hear the voices and see the faces of those we have loved, and lost to time's passage.

In the end, the bottom line is always about comforting, and about love.
You need to talk to our Carers UK helpline about "top up" fees. They are actually unlawful - I reclaimed £8,000 for mum as Social Services didn't apply the rules properly. Just keep pressing for the home nearest to you, but DON'T sign ANYTHING about fees, yourself.
Social Services should only take anything from dad's income after a FULL financial assessment. If you haven't done so already, you need to bring together everything related to dad's finances. I've been doing filing for over 40 years, so here's my tip for today.
Buy/find a ring binder and a pile of plastic sleeves for them; the sort with holes down the side, where you put papers in the top; and some dividers to separate the sections. Round up a hole punch, a stapler, and some sticky labels.
First, do a rough sort of all the papers on the dining table.
One pile each for gas, electric, water, etc.
Council Tax
Building Society
Mortgage...or whatever.
Dealing with each pile in turn, sort the papers into date, most recent on top. Ditch any bills that are more than a year or two old.
Once in date order, staple them together for each complete year. Put them in a plastic sleeve, label the sleeve, and put the labelled and filled sleeve in the ring binder. Label the divider.
You will be asked for evidence of the above anyhow, for the assessment, so this will be so much easier for you.

As far as mum is concerned, the assessor will look at mum's outgoings too, and will work out how much she herself needs to live on, from the above. The assessor should also recommend if mum can claim any EXTRA benefits herself.

It's a set formula they work to, set by government, and I've always found the assessors very helpful and kind (mum and son had many assessments). Hope that's put your mind at rest.

At the end of it all, the assessor will give you written details of how he's worked out his calculations. Add this to the new file!
Hi all

So the care home can take Dad, they loved him apparently and think he will fit in really well with everyone else there currently. So Im feeling relief, guilt, happiness, sadness, anger...........all at once, Im exhausted.

Bowling there are no top up fees with this place which is another huge relief. Ive todl Mum to start gathering everything finance related, as much as she can, so I can help go through it all.

We just need to try and sort out this 50% pension thing, no idea where to start as no-one has POA as it happened so fast (well fast for me, Mum, god bless her in her denial, knew he was going downhill for ages but didnt tell me half of the things that hed done)
Very glad he can move into this home, and it does sound like a pretty good set up all things considering! Well done.

Re pension, I would phone up his pension company and ask whether he has already signed the form that says in the event of his death his widow gets the half-pension. BUT you may find this happens 'automatically' So far as I know this is what happened when my husband died (though he might have signed something years ago?). I know with my own works pension I have signed for my SON to be the beneficiary (he can't get an income, but he can, if I die before I claim my pension, get a lump sum in lieu, so I believe). This is because I have no partner/husband.

If the pensions people say it's all sorted, that's great. If it isn't, then I'm not sure what happens.

You or your mum MAY have to go down the Office of the Public Guardian route, which is all that those who don't have PoA can do to apply to 'take over' the finances of someone with dementia and no legal capacity themselves.

However, please ask your dad's pension company if getting that OPG status means you can 'assign' your dad's pension rights to your mum!

That said, is what you are asking is whether ALL your dad's pension income NOW has to go towards his residential fees, before the LA steps in?

That's a separate question. I can't think it's 'allowable' surely, if your mum needs at least some of his pension money to live on (ie, to 'top up' her own lesser income), for the LA to insist the whole of your dad's pensions goes towards fees? But I just don't know.

The experts at Carers UK should know though - emailing is best! (You could phone your local council too, if you want, but you may want to know 'the rules' first, before you put your head over the parapet!)
Don't hesitate to ask the pension company " can you help me / where do we go from here?". I found them really helpful when my brother was dying abroad, they paid out on hearing that he had a terminal illness. They were really kind.
This is from AgeUK's Factsheet 39 "Paying for Care in a Care Home if you have a Partner". (I posted it just after Christmas on another thread - looks like it's relevant here too!)

5 The 50% private pension and annuity disregard
You may have a significantly higher or lower income than your partner.
The rules set out below are designed to protect one partner from
possible financial hardship as a result of the local authority financial
assessment for residential care.
If you enter a care home permanently and have a personal or private
pension, an occupational pension or a retirement annuity, you can
choose to pass 50 per cent to your partner remaining at home. This
amount must be excluded or disregarded from your local authority
financial assessment.
If you have more than one of these types of income, they can be added
together to reach a 50 per cent figure.
Your partner may remain at your previously shared home or can live
anywhere other than the same care home as you.

Before deciding whether to take advantage of the 50 per cent
disregard, you should assess whether it benefits your partner
This is because receiving extra income can affect their entitlement
to means tested benefits such as Pension Credit, Housing Benefit
or Council Tax Reduction. Seek advice from one of the advice
agencies listed in Useful organisations
That sounds reassuring! :)