I'm very sorry to say that my mother appears to be in the early stages of dementia. This is not a doctor's diagnosis but my own (and my brother's) based on her various symptoms, particuarly her deteriorating short term memory which is becoming particularly bad. She lives on her own in a bungalow, my father died a few years ago.
I've been concerned about her short term memory for some time and have spoken to her doctor a couple of times in the past few months, unfortunately though my mother (nearly 93 years old) is extremely stubborn and will not admit to there being a problem or even see her doctor to discuss the matter. She won't even discuss it with me or my brother.
I've just compiled a long letter to her doctor laying out all of my mother's symptoms and asking her what can be done. This will be posted on Monday. Maybe when my mother has her regular check-up next month her doctor can say or do something based on the evidence and, of course, do her own tests as required.
At the very least I feel like my mother should have a daily care visitor, somebody just to pop in and check on her for half an hour, carry out any minor jobs, check the fridge for out of date food, etc. Even if it's not dementia she would certainly benefit from some kind of help. I live over 100 miles away, my brother lives in America, so there is a limit to what we can practically do but I visit as often as I can, as does my brother.
However, mum won't even listen to the idea of a care visitor. She's a very private person and doesn't want anyone else to "know her business".
She's fiercely independent and still gets out and about a lot, regularly hopping on a bus to the nearest town, going shopping locally, etc.
However, her memory in particular is getting noticeably worse and her bungalow is getting messier as is her clothing with bits of dripped food, etc (she doesn't seem to notice or worry about mess and dirt these days, although she is still scrupulously clean when it comes to washing her hands). She does have an excellent house cleaner in once a fortnight which to my mind isn't enough, but I can't seem to persuade her to have a weekly clean of her bungalow.
My main dilemma is how to successfully put it to her that she needs a home care visitor - not only will it help her, but it will help my brother and I to stop worrying about her quite as much yet I just can't find a way to approach the subject without upset and refusal from mum. I try and sit down with her and gently mention the matter but then she gets upset and simply won't accept a daily care visitor.
I've made some enquiries about home care and have all of the details that I need, what it costs, who to employ, etc. I can instigate that immediately if only mum would approve the idea.
What can I do? How can I gently persuade her to accept this? I don't want to have to overly worry her or even suggest to her that she may eventually end up in a care home if things deteriorate further.
Perhaps I should wait and see if her doctor can instigate or suggest anything to mum based on my letter and mum's forthcoming checkup, but in case that doesn't work out I'm wondering what else I can do. At the moment I just want to get her to accept some kind of regular care, but that is proving impossible.
My mother does have a Lasting Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare (and one for Property and Financial Affairs) so my brother and I can one day step in, but naturally only if mum becomes unable to make decisions for herself. She's not at that stage. I am though trying to make her life better right now, although because mum won't accept that there is a problem this makes things very difficult indeed. I'm worried that she'll one day set fire to her bungalow, hurt herself, eat some out of date food, not wash her hands properly and get a bad upset stomach, have a fall (yet she won't wear one of those emergency beepers around her neck), etc.
Can anyone advise please?
Or perhaps I am trying to be too controlling and over-worrying?
I'll also say that worrying over this is really getting to me - lately I seem to spend all day, every day thinking of my mother's issues, what may happen and how to deal with things. It's really getting to me and, as an IBS sufferer, it's making my IBS worse. I just feel that my hands are tied by my mother and it's incredibly frustrating. I just want to help her but she won't let me. How can I get her to accept a regular care visitor?
Thanks
I've been concerned about her short term memory for some time and have spoken to her doctor a couple of times in the past few months, unfortunately though my mother (nearly 93 years old) is extremely stubborn and will not admit to there being a problem or even see her doctor to discuss the matter. She won't even discuss it with me or my brother.
I've just compiled a long letter to her doctor laying out all of my mother's symptoms and asking her what can be done. This will be posted on Monday. Maybe when my mother has her regular check-up next month her doctor can say or do something based on the evidence and, of course, do her own tests as required.
At the very least I feel like my mother should have a daily care visitor, somebody just to pop in and check on her for half an hour, carry out any minor jobs, check the fridge for out of date food, etc. Even if it's not dementia she would certainly benefit from some kind of help. I live over 100 miles away, my brother lives in America, so there is a limit to what we can practically do but I visit as often as I can, as does my brother.
However, mum won't even listen to the idea of a care visitor. She's a very private person and doesn't want anyone else to "know her business".
She's fiercely independent and still gets out and about a lot, regularly hopping on a bus to the nearest town, going shopping locally, etc.
However, her memory in particular is getting noticeably worse and her bungalow is getting messier as is her clothing with bits of dripped food, etc (she doesn't seem to notice or worry about mess and dirt these days, although she is still scrupulously clean when it comes to washing her hands). She does have an excellent house cleaner in once a fortnight which to my mind isn't enough, but I can't seem to persuade her to have a weekly clean of her bungalow.
My main dilemma is how to successfully put it to her that she needs a home care visitor - not only will it help her, but it will help my brother and I to stop worrying about her quite as much yet I just can't find a way to approach the subject without upset and refusal from mum. I try and sit down with her and gently mention the matter but then she gets upset and simply won't accept a daily care visitor.
I've made some enquiries about home care and have all of the details that I need, what it costs, who to employ, etc. I can instigate that immediately if only mum would approve the idea.
What can I do? How can I gently persuade her to accept this? I don't want to have to overly worry her or even suggest to her that she may eventually end up in a care home if things deteriorate further.
Perhaps I should wait and see if her doctor can instigate or suggest anything to mum based on my letter and mum's forthcoming checkup, but in case that doesn't work out I'm wondering what else I can do. At the moment I just want to get her to accept some kind of regular care, but that is proving impossible.
My mother does have a Lasting Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare (and one for Property and Financial Affairs) so my brother and I can one day step in, but naturally only if mum becomes unable to make decisions for herself. She's not at that stage. I am though trying to make her life better right now, although because mum won't accept that there is a problem this makes things very difficult indeed. I'm worried that she'll one day set fire to her bungalow, hurt herself, eat some out of date food, not wash her hands properly and get a bad upset stomach, have a fall (yet she won't wear one of those emergency beepers around her neck), etc.
Can anyone advise please?
Or perhaps I am trying to be too controlling and over-worrying?
I'll also say that worrying over this is really getting to me - lately I seem to spend all day, every day thinking of my mother's issues, what may happen and how to deal with things. It's really getting to me and, as an IBS sufferer, it's making my IBS worse. I just feel that my hands are tied by my mother and it's incredibly frustrating. I just want to help her but she won't let me. How can I get her to accept a regular care visitor?
Thanks