Page 4 of 95
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:11 pm
Maybe itâ€™s that time of year but lately I have been thinking about the future and what it may hold. Yesterday I was re-reading some posts from the last few months and there was one thing that stuck out.
The time scale of Alzheimerâ€™s seemed to be very similar. Most of the posts stated that â€œXâ€
Ups and down's
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:12 pm
Ups and Down`s
One day I`m happy, one day I`m sad,
Am I just going completely mad?
One day I am singing on the top of my voice,
The next just dithering over the simplest of choice,
They say its depression, something called Manic,
Is it something to laugh at, or rush into Panic?
You`re so happy go lucky, my friends always say,
They donâ€™t see my crying, at the end of the day,
So if your best mate`s on a high every time,
Joking and laughing, giving off his best shine,
Sometime`s remember, alls not what it seems,
Behind that great smile, could be broken dreams,
And when next day dawns, on your favourite lad,
He could be in pieces, and ever so sad
Written just before I was diagnosed, now I know why I am the way I am, best wishes, Norrms and family
Its such a horrid illness this
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:12 pm
[quote]It`s a horrid illness this
Well, last night was a mixture of bad dreams and even worse dreams. One of them seemed to go on for hours and I can still remember the events vividly and would take me at least twenty minutes to explain!! Today we decided to have a ride down the coast to Exmouth and as itâ€™s a coast road we could see the heavy clouds and mist rolling in from the sea. Little did I know the same thing would happen to me just as we arrived in Exmouth?
This time without any warning signs (I.E. slowing down and stumbling) the fog enveloped my mind and immediately my vision was impaired when it come to judging distances. As I tried to tell Elaine, the words just came out a mumbled mystery and nothing like I was trying to say. I must admit that when it happens this quick I often fear a stroke coming on (All I need!!) but thankfully not.
Then of course we have to put up with the nudges and stares as my â€œAngelâ€
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:13 pm
Is my AD progressively getting worse? Where I used to have cloudy days every now and again, now I just get clear days now and again. Today being one of them. What I have found and would love to know is: Is there a transition period between stages of Alzheimerâ€™s where you are quite conscious about the sudden downturn in your health and feeling like you are going completely mad?? Even though I know I have AD (early stages) well, thatâ€™s when I was diagnosed last year, the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. I have started to sit there in total silence for an hour at a time (unknown for me!!LOL) and when I do try to speak on my bad days it literally all just comes out jumbled up and makes no sense at all.
Would it be because I was diagnosed at a time when the Dr felt I wasnâ€™t as progressed with the disease as I actually was? I have honestly thought (and you all know I am an optimist) that I would have years in front of me (Four at least) where I could still enjoy some kind of normality. Thatâ€™s if living with the knowledge you have AD â€œnormalâ€
Dealing with Alzheimer's
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:14 pm
I am often asked how I dealt with the news that I had Alzheimerâ€™s and how I deal with it now compared to then. Also how come Iâ€™m so Bl***Y annoyingly cheerful all the time (well, most of it loll).
I could say the simple answer and say itâ€™s just my will to survive and outlook on life. When I was told eight years ago I had heart failure my specialist still says, even today, that the reason of my longevity is my positive outlook on most things, well, who am I to argue with that?? LOLL
But personally, besides the obvious reason of the most loving supportive family in the world, I think itâ€™s because I have faced this thing head on, as I do with most crisis in my life and wanted to know all about it, how it happens, what to expect, and more importantly the outcome, unfortunately we all know only too well what the outcome is for most AZ sufferers.
At first it was very hard to take in but I never denied having it as the neurologist test had been quite intensive and thorough. I think the hardest part was â€œKNOWING â€œI had it and how much it frightened me. But after finding out as much as I could about it has eased some of my worries as I believe â€œFear of the Unknownâ€
Changing colours of the seasons
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:14 pm
I couldnâ€™t imagine living anywhere else in the world with the glorious changing colours of the seasons. I was gazing at these wonderful views on my way to Budleigh Salterton this morning when I started to think about how the seasons are very similar to life itself and the connection with Alzheimerâ€™s disease.
Spring is like our births when the new born flowers and the rebirth of others push through the soil and are there for all to see with their fresh and young shoots growing rapidly into something quite beautiful.
Summer is all about things growing up and turning into adulthood whilst showing off their wonderful coats and colours, becoming mature and settled.
Autumn is as we get older and things start to change. This is also the season that reminds me of my illness the most. As the trees and landscapes change their colours so do we with this awful illness and things seem to take on a different meaning? The leaves slowly but surely decay and start to look a shadow of their former selves. But as with anything all is not lost. If you look very closely, beyond the falling leaves and into the landscape you can still see the same beauty and soul that lives on within all of us. We are still here, as are the trees and fields, and we still need looking after and nurturing as does all living things.
Unfortunately along comes the bleakness of winter (late stages of AD) when nothing seems to grow anymore and the landscape seems to fall silent. This is the worst time of all, especially for the nature lovers (carers) who just want things to get back to normal and the fields and trees to blossom again. But as we know, they sadly cannot during winter.
I hope you have all enjoyed this little walk through the seasons with me, and even though it may seem a sad one, always remember the three seasons before winter and all it entails as these memories will stay with you forever.
Best wishes, Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A poem for my mum
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 12:15 pm
I always knew the time would come,
When I would lose my wonderful mum,
So many things left unsaid,
As I lay down my weary head,
She had so much spirit and so much fight,
She will always be my guiding light,
From being born and up to this day,
In my heart she has always stayed,
And always will up to the end,
She was my mum and my best friend,
I can see her now and she`s wearing,
The face paint she ordered, cussing and swearing,
Shouting for England to win the world cup,
Tea in hand having a sup,
Just want to say thank you mum,
For all the things youâ€™ve said and done,
We will meet again of that Iâ€™m sure
The world`s now one less, of one so pure
Love you MUM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cirlce Of Life
Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 11:14 am
As I stood there, at the bottom of the street I was brought up on, I thought about how life had turned full circle. Here I was, up for the funeral, staying in a room in the retirement home, at the bottom of the street that I was brought up in. By sheer coincidence the cemetery where my father, and little brother are buried, and soon my wonderful mum is on the very same street I am standing.
As a child my bedroom window overlooked the cemetery and some nights I used to look out of the window and watch the moonlight bounce off the gravestones and sometimes I was sure I saw something that shouldnâ€™t be there! I also said goodnight to my little brother Andrew who died in infancy many times.
So here I was, standing beneath the tree I once got stuck up after climbing and where my grandmother had to get the fire brigade out to get me down. I got such a belt from her for that!! Things had hardly changed at all, double glazing here and there, and a bit of new tarmac at the bottom of the street where the old cobbles used to be. Then the thoughts turned to my mum.
My first memory of her on this same street was running home up the hill in the rain. My mum had hold of my hand singing â€œHot Chocolate Drinking Chocolateâ€
Thank you norrms, you put
Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 1:35 pm
Thank you norrms, you put things into words so well.
So nice to have you
Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:29 pm
So nice to have you back Norrms I have been looking out for your writings.
You hit the spot every time, the story about you mums funeral reminded me of my dads, we had both children with us, youngest is severely autistic, like you being constantly reminded of your own condition on such a sad day I had the same, it was hard to hold a single thought in my head with the shenanigans of the little guy and time that I should have spent in solace and remembrance were completely overshadowed by the condition that has no respect for occassion [bless him though].