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Norrms - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum


For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
953 posts

I open my eyes and look round the room; it seems vaguely familiar but the memories of last night’s nightmares come thundering back into focus. Why is it if I have AD I can always remember the nightmares? Just doesn’t seem fair. I turn and look at my darling wife, her eyes still shut in silent and peaceful sleep. I often wonder if she really knows how much I adore her and if I have told her I love her recently. I`m sure I have on a daily basis but did I really say it out loud? I hope so.
My wife has always had a sixth sense and opens her eyes just as I am whispering “I love youâ€

Today was a glorious day in Torquay and the sun was high in the sky, clear blue as long as the eye could see and the world was looking good. My darling wife and I sat on a bench overlooking the harbour and watched the world go by. Sometimes I look at her and I know she is thinking about our time together and how long days like this will last. Moving here was the best thing we ever did and no amount of persuasion or cash could ever tempt us back! This is our paradise, our dream come true and our home now, but, with the AD looming over us would it still be in a few years time?

As I watched the tide ebb and flow and the waves come in one after the other I suddenly thought that life was very similar to the waves, always there, always ongoing, and never-ending. I`m a great believer that no matter what happens in this world Life will always find a way and there human race will always survive. (Ever the optimist).

This set me thinking about my AD and I started to compare the AD to the waves. As I have good days and bad days I thought it’s just like the AD coming and going in waves, and when I have bad days it’s just the same as being stormy at sea. Someone once said “That time and tide wait for no oneâ€

Last weekend my wife and I went for a three night break on a farm in the heart of Exmoor. We couldn’t have wished for a more secluded area and the silence was deafening, more noticeably in the morning as in Torquay the morning is heralded by the “Seagull Chorusâ€
Day On The
Good morning my friends, whilst I still have it in my mind I will tell you of my day yesterday when I visited my youngest daughter in nearby Teignmouth and our two youngest grandsons Jack 19 months and Sam 6 months.

We decided to take the kids down to the local park for an hour as I was having a so so day but not so bad I couldn’t go. As I sat there watching my wonderful children, Jack running amok and Sam being rocked by yours truly I tried to imagine my life not knowing them or forgetting who they were. The thought of this makes me shiver with fear but as I sat there thinking about it I turned to my darling wife, took her hand and made her promise she will never stop the children visiting me unless its detrimental to them. “Of course!â€

I can honestly say this has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. Certain things about my Ad have been working their way into my life, IE- Mood swings, outbursts of temper( never even heard of before) and believe it or not a major Tantrum!! I have eight beautiful grandchildren and I know a tantrum when I see one, let alone have one!!
This completely threw my darling wife Elaine and ended in floods of tears from both of us. All this with my illness of heart failure and AD, my mum’s cancer and Elaine worrying herself sick and wham!!

Some would say no wonder there was a bit of stress and upset but things have been thrown at us before, with such a big family these things always are, but this was different.
I was different! No longer was i the laid back, positive optimist i always am. It was like i was so different and the thing is most of it i can’t remember! I rely on my angel wife so much and to see her so upset really cuts deep with me.
I want to be so strong for my family as i have always been before but i am now very afraid of not coping very well in these times of great worry. I have made an appointment to see my specialist and my CPN as i was advised this would be the best next step for me. Is this the beginning of the End??

NO SIR!! Not if I have anything to do about it!! I will fight this horrid illness right to the end and never give up hope that someday, before it’s too late, they will find a cure, then i will laugh in the face of AD and say “ I`m the one that got away!!â€

It’s ok to be scared he said to me,
Just after telling me I’d got AD,
That’s ok for you to say,
Don`t you know you’ve just ruined my day?
Sitting there without a care,
Looking over your glasses in you big plush chair
What happens now, do I pray?
Or just carry on from day to day,
As if nothing’s wrong? That should be fun,
When you`ve just said my life is done,
What do you mean there is no cure?
Of that are you absolutely sure?
Well I for one do not believe,
That these symptoms you can’t relieve
So I will go now and try my best
To be the winner of my new Quest!!

There is always hope, best wishes, Norrms and family

The time has come the Walrus said to speak of many things
But he never mentioned AD and the misery it brings,
I’ve had enough! You hear me cry, I’ve had enough of this,
My wife holds my head gently, and plants a loving kiss,
I know you have my darling Norrms, please don’t give up the fight,
You have to fight this cursed thing, fight with all your might,
But it’s so hard on certain days, when nothing makes much sense,
To smile and be so cheery, it’s such a great pretence,
I know deep down how you feel, and long to be set free
But Norrms you are my life and mean everything to me,
This is how or little chat, was supposed to clear the air,
And yet i still felt cheated, life is so unfair,
So i will carry on, just for now, we will have to wait and see,
What about the future? What will be will be?

Best wishes, Norrms and family

The last few days have been so busy, we had family down for a couple of days and I always feel as if I am letting people down if I don’t join in as much as I can. After visiting nearby Teignmouth with my brother in law and his family arrangements were made to all go out for a meal last night. Now normally I would shy away from these types of things but I had had such a good day I was quite looking forward to it. As the day progressed I knew I was getting more tired and eventually just before we met up with the other eight members of the family at the restaurant near Paignton Pier my speech was awful. The thing is with AD the clouds never come when you want, like bedtime, always when you don’t want!!

By the time we were all settled as we ordered my wife did the ordering for me and a nice Chilli was on the way. The thing is the conversation; I am not the quietest person in the room normally and when I am people tend to notice!!LOL We hadn’t seen our relations for nearly seven years and a lot was being talked about.

To say it was frustrating to try and keep up with the conversation would be an understatement, let alone try to join in! I think I managed to dodge and weave most of the talking but then it was time for pudding. Everybody ordered and my wife could quite clearly tell i was struggling so ordered me ice cream, it’s easier. Then, twenty minutes after it had arrived I looked up from my pudding to find everyone looking at me. I later found out I had just been playing with it and must have gone into some sort of Catatonic trance as I had just stirred it and stirred it into a cream paste! I tried to make light of it but it wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t so much the older ones but the two teenagers who are my niece and nephew i felt sorry for as i don’t think they quite understood what was going on.

After the meal we made are excuses and said our goodbyes, with them being most understanding. I staggered back to the car with my wife holding me up as if i was drunk!! (Chance would be a fine thing!) i was home and in bed by eight thirty and sound asleep soon after. I suppose what i am trying to say is even when you have family all around you, and we are all very close, as an AD sufferer the embarrassment never diminishes as I’m sure it doesn’t for carers and loved ones..The reason we get so frustrated and very down is even though we know most of our families/loved ones understand we can still see the hurt in their eyes and it hurts us so much, knowing we are unable to ease those feelings for them. Last night’s sleep was a peaceful one and we got a call to say the family are all home safe and sound after a four hour drive home,

Best wishes, Norrms and family

Well, its “flaming Juneâ€
Hello all, and hope you are all well, the last couple weeks i have noticed my speech slurring a little just like it did before i started to take the Ebixa, its not as bad as it was but the fact that it is creeping back is a major worry. Also my walking straight and without help has detioriated and i find myself holding on to my darling Elaine more and more and for dear life at times. I have no road sense at all, that seems to have dissapeared into thin air but now i seem to stumble a lot more.

I have also found myself becoming more and more tired lately but my heart failure has not been to good so the exhaustion could be the lack of energy.

Put all this together and what do you get ?

Sorry to dissapoint you all Image, but its still the same old me with the same dogged determination to beat this dammend disease no matter what:D!! i just flatly refuse to lie down and let it take me over!! i have slowed down a little latley (though sometimes it doesnt sound as if i have Image)

If i am taking a turn for the worse then so be it but i promise i wont go down without a fight!!

Best wishes, a very weary but stubborn Norrms and family xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
953 posts