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So sad....................... - Carers UK Forum

So sad.......................

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
As I was helping Mum to bed tonight she asked me where was her daughter Susan - as usual I said ‘that’s me Mum’ and she said ‘no, she’s a lot younger than you, if you were my daughter I’d have been a child when I had you !’.

It took a while but I did manage to convince her of my identity - again tonight, like other times lately, she suddenly realises that she’s losing her memories; that she can’t do things for herself and, as she puts it, she’s a ‘liability’ and a ‘burden’. She’s frightened that she’s going insane, and no matter how much I tell her she’s not going mad but has an illness that is making her forget things, she won’t believe me.

It is so very sad to see a once lively, intelligent and vibrant woman who could take on the world slowly turning into a mere shadow of her former self; someone who is now frightened of the dark and who can’t even fathom how to dress herself.

So very sad that she doesn’t remember that she has daughters, grand-daughters and great-grandchildren.

So very sad that she is convinced that she is all alone in this world, that her sisters have deserted her and that she has no family.

A lot of the time now she’s living in an alternative reality dictated by the TV programmes she watches so we’re on holiday if there is a programme about another country; we’ve moved to the countryside (that’s after watching ‘Escape to the Country’ or Last of the Summer Wine); she tells me she doesn’t go to auctions (Dickinson’s Real Deal or Flog It) and the news is a real no-no at the moment with all the talk of civil war in Libya.

It’s a bit like living ‘Benjamin Button’ but a lot sadder - an adult fast reverting to a childlike state - those of you who have a relative with dementia will know what I mean.
hello susieq,
It's heartbreaking isn't it.
Hubby is convinced we're buying new sofas/beds/kitchens etc and asking why we need them.
He pointed to the wardrobe a bit back and said 'that's a wardrobe' dead chuffed with himself, this is from a man who's built houses from scratch...
Horrible horrible disease dementia in all it's forms.
It's like they are being 'erased' very slowly, piece by piece.
My thoughts are with you
the only support i can give is to tell you this is normal for alzheimers and dementia,but that doesn't take away the fact this is a horrible disease,i'm losing my wife everyday to it the same as i lost my father and there is nothing i can do about it,telling lies to my kids so i don't upset them too much when they ask how there mum is.while i was doing homecare i was showed a fathers day card which read "i know you don't remember me dad but i love you so much" HEARTBREAKING,the only positive thing is your mum will be in her own world and not suffer near the end,the downside is the family will ,it's strange grieving for people that haven't passed away,it messes with you mind,i used to sleep for england,those days have gone along with my old life filled with hopes and ambitions
((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) to everyone who is looking after a loved with dementia.
(((( hugs )))) to all who is going thr similar.
Not something I've experienced, but ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) all the same.
I think it's the worst part about dementia from the carer's viewpoint: to see a person you love become gradually diminished.

I saw that the singer Glen Campbell is on a final tour - he's 75 and has announced that he has Alzheimer's.
There is an article in this week's 'Yours' magazine about a lady caring for her husband who has Alzheimer's. She says

"There is a conflict of emotions between despising the person you do not recognise as the man you married and feeling that your heart will break when he's struggling to complete the simplest of tasks......................................Life can be cruel for carers of a person with dementia as friends drop by the wayside..................people who haven't been carers have no idea what it's like. I do love him, but I wonder if I'm the only carer who sometimes wishes they could just have a normal life again or even run away....................I'm determined not to let Alzheimer's beat us. You have to smile and carry on. There is no other choice."

All sentiments I can recognise and agree with.
You're right susieq that sums it up completely.
I find the worst part the lonliness- hubbys said about 10 words to me today. Image
Take care