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My mom has dementia - Carers UK Forum

My mom has dementia

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
My mom (63) has dementia and has progressively gotten worse over the last few months and it’s time for memory care. I don’t have the accommodations for her at home and honestly I know I can’t handle being someone’s caregiver again (my MIL had dementia young and I was her caregiver at my home for a few years).

I have a regular POA, she has long term care insurance and $ in the bank as well as a paid off house. I feel so lost in trying to figure out how to manage all of this. Do I need to get a durable POA? How would I do that at this point? How do I get my name on her house deed? (It’s willed to me) how do I manage her bank accounts?

Is there some resource someone can point me to or any advice you can offer from previous experience? I’m so overwhelmed with all of that I don’t know what to do.

It guts me seeing my mom like this and trying to keep it together for her, my kids and my husband while working a full time job, maintaining my home and keeping up with my kids activities. I need to get a handle on her “affairs” so I can stop stressing about those and focus on giving her the best quality of life I can
Hi Harenga

This is an emotionally difficult situation for you.
You used $ for money, I am in the UK on £ sterling money.
If you are not in the UK the legalities could be very different to what they are here.

For utilities companies in the UK if your mum can say on the phone to them that she wants you to represent her, then they will note your name as a contact for her.

If your mum has some capacity you might be able to do the financial POA via a solicitor, phone a few firms straight away to ask them about it, the worst they can do is say no.

As your mum is progressively declining, would it be better to get her settled in a residential place while she has some capacity to settle in and familiarise herself?

In the UK if you were to have the house signed to yourself or anything of that ilk, the authorities would override it as an attempt by your mother to defraud herself of money for her care. So if she sold the house to you, they would want every penny of that money back from you to pay for her care. Any solicitor telling you otherwise has outdated information or is selling you a lie to get the gig.

Sit down with a coffee and list things you need to know about eg
Can a POA for finance be done via a solicitor
How can I manage her money and financial affairs
How can she live independently
What if she can't live independently
Can she go into a residential home and when does she qualify

Then ask the relevant professionals your questions.
It is upsetting and emotional but if you can look at it pragmatically and in doing the best for your mother for her best interests then you are winning half the battle.

A couple of other websites you will also find helpful if you are in the UK if not, search for similar where you are for the best advice and resources.


Don't forget to check back for replies.
This appears to be another copypasta taken from another forum, identically worded. Because Breezey's reply may be useful to others, I'm locking the thread for now but keeping it visible.