Mum with dementia being discharged from hospital - what now?

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Poor you Nicola. All I can suggest is that you tell yourself you actually lost Mum sometime ago. The sad, wailing confused woman is but a tiny part of the Mum you love and who loves you.
I'm sorry too about Mum in law. Bereavement is always difficult.
Your emotions will be all over the place so just be kind to yourself , allow yourself to be sad and to cry
((Hugs))
MrsA
Nicola - Shakespeare wrote "When sorrows come they come not in single spies but in battalions'....meaning they tend all to come at once.....

This is a grim, grim time for you, but you know that it will finally bring your poor afflicted mum the release she craves, and the release she NEEDS now. Her life has become a torment, and she needs to be free of it......

Of course you will mourn with the broken heart of a stricken daughter, and of course you will know with your head that she is 'at peace' in the sense of being freed from the torment of these last months, but with your heart you will miss and miss and miss the mum you loved, and always will love.

To lose your mum, as well as your MIL, in so short a time, is grievous, but it does, you know, 'unite' you with your husband - you are both mourning the loss of a precious parent, together.

And, in practical terms, in a way, it gets the 'mourning over and done with' at the same time. I don't mean that to sound callous, but if you had lost your MIL now, and your life derailed emotionally, and your husband's because of that, and then, this time, say, next year, just when you were surfacing from losing your MIL, you lost your own mum, you would then have ANOTHER year of mourning to go through.....

It's sad to think of both your mum, and your MIL, dying so close to each other in time, but it is also, in a way 'appropriate' don't you think? They each have given a child to each other's child, and both leave this world knowing those children are still together - that's nice thought, don't you think? Not all parents can die knowing their child is still 'safely married'.....
I'm sorry to hear about what happened. It's normal for us to feel sad about it but eventually we'll soon feel better as time flies .
Nicola, it's always sad when a parent dies, I've lost all four now. I always count my in laws as my parents too, I had the best mum in law anyone could ever have, never a cross word between us. I miss all of them, but could not wish them to live another moment when they were dying, because they couldn't do any of the things which gave them any quality of life, and all were frustrated at being dependent on others.
There's going to be a lot of paperwork at the moment. At times I felt I was smothered by it, especially after my husband died at the age of 58, whilst running a business. I suggest you and your husband each have a lever arch file, for each parent, which immediately makes it feel more under control.
If at all possible, once the formalities are over, go away for a few days somewhere quiet, away from it all, self catering so you can sleep as much as you need. You will be feeling mentally and physically utterly exhausted, I call it the "Cliff of Tiredness".
If there is anything we can help you with, feel free to ask.
Very sorry to hear that, Nicola. It is a cruel cruel disease.

Nothing we say will take the pain away. However, as MrsA says, the mum you knew and are mourning is no longer. The only blessing is that your mum is unaware of much of what is going on.

My mum too had an obsession with tissues. The brain is very strange.

Thinking of you, and sending a virtual hand to hold. If things do seem to much to bear, maybe a trip to the GP might be in order for some help to get you through this difficult time.

Anne x
I'm so sorry to hear about all your sad stories. Yes you're all right. It is very painful on our part losing someone we cherish in our lives but we just have to accept it. If you need help, don't hesitate to ask.