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Carers UK Forum • Mother
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Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 8:32 am
by Caring_Mind
Not quite sure what topic this should go under, but as mother is increasingly getting forgetful of what she's saying and doing, I choose to write here.
My mother, over the past few months has gone from being quite mentally 'with it' to forgetting all sort of things.
We didn't have a great relationship to start with (or at least, I didn't feel so) but now it's gone so far that I really have had enough of her. That sounds terrible, doesn't it, when you friends, on here, have mothers who are great.
Her decline started with forgetting what she had just said, so asking the same question time and time again. I want to feel love for her, but every time that I feel an ounce of warmth for her, she is nasty and blows it all again! So it is a downward spiral not made any easier by us finding out from her hairdresser that she was complaining about us going out, leaving her and not telling her where we've gone. Er, excuse me, but we DO have a life of our own.........obviously not, according to her.
Even my son has said to me that I must be a saint. She hurts him very much with her words now and he says that she's changing. I hate to see him hurt like that, as he always had a good relationship with her as she looked after him a lot when he was younger..
She hates her life -she seems bitter and twisted. She's always moaned about living in her previous place, but now is saying that she wishes that she had never moved to come up near us. I didn't make her move in the first place as I know how my grandmother was after relatives making her move to a different part of the country.
So, is this the start of dementia, or just her, the way she's always been, but just getting worse?
After a day like yesterday, I've had enough - no, really - I can't cope with her much longer! Image
Thanks for the ability to rant.......xx[/i]

Hi Pamela, so sorry you've had

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 9:17 am
by Pete the Paint
Hi Pamela,

so sorry you've had such a time of it with your Mum. Alas my Mum drove us all mad with her incessant talking and wittering on about 'nothing'. As we lived 200 miles away from her, we didn't have to suffer it very often, but when she came to stay with us, then I could understand my younger sisters moans and groans about her.
Within two minutes of her entering our house, I wanted to scream at her to "SHUT UP!"
Looking back, I now realise that she had gone senile. Yet her appearance and mobility was that of a much younger woman. She was in her 70's when she started with this selfishness. It seemed that the whole world must revolve around her. She said and did some pretty spiteful things during those later years, which was nothing like the kind, generous Mum that had brought me up.
She was 88 when she died in hospital of thrombosis. By then, she was convinced that the woman in the bed opposit had a vendeta against her, who was a poorly little old lady who couldn't hurt a fly!

It's very sad to see someone who was so kind, turn into someone that my Mum wouldn't give the time of day to.

I do hope you can resolve your problems with your Mum, but if it is dementia causing her to be the way she is....................?

Take care and big (((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Pete xx

Hi Pamela as you know my

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 9:56 am
by susieq
Hi Pamela

as you know my Mum has Alzheimers - in some ways yours sounds as though she might be in the early stages, but the only way to be sure is to get a proper diagnosis. You need to talk to to her GP about changes to her personality and her forgetfulness/confusion before she sees him, this would give him information to help him make a diagnosis.

There are other conditions that can cause confusion in elderly people - urine infection, diabetes etc and these need to be checked for and ruled out before a true diagnosis can be made.

Once a diagnosis has been made then treatment can be given - for Alzheimers there are drugs that can considerably slow down the progression of the disease.

What you have to realise (and it's taken me a while to get there) is that their behaviour is a direct result of the disease - it's not them. I don't particularly like the person my Mother is turning into to, but there isn't anything I can do about it - I have to accept her confusion, forgetfulness, paranoia are all symptoms over which she has no control. So now I try to limit my anger to the disease - there is no point getting angry with Mum, she just doesn't understand why I'm angry and gets upset because she knows she's the cause of my anger but doesn't understand why.

I hope for both your sakes that her behaviour is not symptomatic of dementia and that you can get a diagnosis soon.


its amazing how urine infections

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 8:23 pm
by pixienubbins
its amazing how urine infections can effect a person pamela,,
Amy "sees" things and gets voices

Id get her tot he GP as soon as, and hope for u and her its something thats easily treatable..

but i sympathise with u, u cant win wot ever u do, hope soemthing can be sorted and MASSIVE HUGS to u

Thanks for your replies -

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:04 pm
by Caring_Mind
Thanks for your replies - much appreciated xx
The doctor is going to visit Mother as the district nurse is a bit worried about her confusion too. He has to time his visit with the nurse's visit too as she will have to bandage her legs up after he has looked at them!
She annoyed the nurse tonight, as she (mother) wanted to come with me to visit my son in hospital. Of course, the nurse happened to call just when we were out. Now I feel guilty that the nurse had a wasted journey! Image

Special hugs to you Pamela,

Posted: Fri Sep 11, 2009 7:40 pm
by Bluebird
Special hugs to you Pamela, you have so much to worry you at the moment xx

I sympathise with you Pamela

Posted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 1:16 pm
by Pearl
I sympathise with you Pamela if your mum has dementia as this is what my mum suffers from. She has always been a wonderful mother to us all and all her life has only helped others, never accepting help, which is what she needs now and finds it extremely difficult to accept. I really hate seeing mum on her "grumpy" days but I know its only frustration because she wants to do for herself and also have the memory of a 20 year old ... wouldn't we all Image Image On her good days she's a pleasure to be around. I'm going to make the most of the good ones for as long as they last.

Your mum sounds as though she could have the beginnings of dementia but as others have said it could be something else.

Love and lots of (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))).