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Carers UK Forum • Living with dementia
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Living with dementia

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 9:22 am
by Lynn Scott
I have read something which has given me a eureka moment. When my husband never finishes a job, opens a drawer but never remembers to shut it, asks what we are doing today when we have just spent time discussing that etc. instead of expecting him to live in my orderly life which he finds increasingly difficult I should accept and live in his more chaotic life. What does it matter that a drawer is not shut, empty toilet roll not put in the bin, conversations repeated I can follow him and finish the jobs off instead of asking why he doesn't see these things. He can't live in my life any more but I can accept and join in his.

Re: Living with dementia

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 9:53 am
by Anne001
Asolutely, Lynn. Only way to go. Save your battles for anything which is dangerous. Difficult to do but I too try to do this. In fact sometimes I find myself believing what mum says Image

Re: Living with dementia

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 9:55 am
by daylily
Well done, I too found it difficult, you're making life easier for both of you by not letting the 'little' things bug you.
Keep posting, plenty of support on this forum.
x

Re: Living with dementia

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 11:05 am
by diana
also learning to go with the flow. therefore thing seem calmer.just read lovely book by Phyllida Law called "How many camels in Holland" which showed how sweetly she dealt with absudities and mishaps caused by dementia of her mum.will try to do the same

Re: Living with dementia

Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 9:42 pm
by Sajehar
I agree with everything that's been mentioned.
Unfortunately, I often find myself in a catch 22 position.
Example, I've knocked up a pager system for mum in order that she can summon me if I'm elsewhere in the house.
But because of her poor short-term memory she often forgets about it. Therefore, every time I have to leave her alone, I have to remember to tell her to press the bell if she needs me for anything; needing to use commode, pick up dropped newspaper, whatever.
If I remember, she remembers. Trouble is, I don't always remember; although I am getting better. Also, I sometimes forget to put bell receiver in my pocket.
We're getting there!
A case of the one-eyed person leading the blind.

Re: Living with dementia

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 8:42 am
by Anne001
Glad to know I am not the only person to forget things. I have lost mum's bathroom bin Image . In the past bras, hearing aids, glasses all turn up in mysterious places. This time I washed out the bin and left it in the kitchen sink to dry. When I got up after mum (who I think had been up half the night) no bin. She claims no knowledge of course, I have looked twice over the whole house. How do you hide a bin?????

Re: Living with dementia

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 8:59 am
by Tristesa
I thought that I could forget about disappearing objects once my poor husband was living in a care home. No. Every time I see him (which is nearly every day), something has disappeared. Sometimes they eventually reappear: sometimes not. All are labelled with his name, of course. Well, not his dentures, which were on the missing list yesterday. I mentioned in an e-mail to my stepson that his teeth had vanished, and he replied, 'did you look under his pillow? That's where they were last time...'

Tristesa

Re: Living with dementia

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 10:02 am
by diana
teeth in sugar bowl,specs in knicker drawer,hot water bottle(like bin)completely vanished..Glad its not just my mum causing these mysteries.spend lots of time looking for things.

Re: Living with dementia

Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 5:16 am
by miggy greene
You really have this hard time. But I can feel your patience towards him and I adore that. I just hope that you can find time for yourself and think about things. It is not easy to see your loved ones suffering in any kind of disease specifically dementia. It hurts if he tend to forget everything that you had before and keep doing things over and over again. Please be strong.