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Little miracles and unpredictability. - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Little miracles and unpredictability.

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Hi DITR
I think that anxieties always seem much worse when viewed from in front than when viewed from behind.
I would never have thought that I would be able to cope with caring - yet here I am Image
Your children are wise - we never know what is round the corner, and I for one am glad about that because I would never stop worrying if I did. Image
We just have to take one day at a time - one step at a time. Make reasonable precautions of course, wills POA etc, but for the rest there is no point in worrying about something that may not happen. There is no point in worrying about something that may well happen, either, for that matter Image Deal with it as it arises.
I went to a meeting when I was right at the beginning of caring and listened to people who had been doing it for 2 or 3 years and how they were amazed that they were still doing it and had come thru it. I think there are few of us who would have believed we could do it but here we are. Many times I have ranted I can't cope but I do. As my husband deteriorates now my dream is that he will end his days here surrounded by the things he liked.
As a yoga instructor we are taught to live in the now which is easier said than done.
If I find myself on my own, I tell our daughters not to worry, they will either come and find me alive or dead. At 78 I fortunately am strong so I don't worry what I will end up with.
A break from caring this weekend practicing yoga with people who have lived with illness for most of their lives ie. MS, stroke, Heart disease, etc. Most of us in the second half of life. I an sorry for the carers this weekend as it is not easy now feeding my husband.
(believe me Daffy, I know how hard it is)

Yes, living in the moment is good. I do try, honest! I hope you manage to get the most out of the coming weekend, well done you Image) I am glad you are strong.

Crocus, thanks... Yes my kids are wise, wiser than me!! They also assure me they have no false illusions about inheriting from me. They know that should I need care, savings and property will disappear. And nope, I cannot foresee the future.
They are realists and whilst I may dream of leaving them a nest egg .... Well, Nuff said.

I think having frank conversations with them has been soothing for me. That is all I am saying really.

Yes, have a lovely weekend daffy.

DR
Yes, just back from a lovely weekend. As it was near to home, not much travelling to do. It was lovely practicing yoga and taking some sessions. Nothing like this for concentrating the mind and having fun with like minded people. Seeing as I look after my husband now more by instinct, it is difficult for the carers to take over no matter how much I think I have left them prepared.
Pleased you enjoyed the time, Daffy.
Looking after him "by instinct". thank you for that phrase. yes, it is what I also do but I had not managed to articulate it.

It sums up what I mean when I insist that we know our carees better than anyone can or better than anyone else ever will. especially husband/wife situation. Little things that cannot be learnt, little things historically shared hence best chance of understanding, even without words.

I expect you are busy now, all back to "normality"perhaps? Bye.
I've been reading, and listening to this thread with avid interest.

I'm going by my instincts. I've realised that they've served me well so far, thanks to this thread. Mum left hospital seriously underwright; she's now back to normal weight for her (about 8 stone.)
I did that entirely off my own bat.
I got her to love her glasses, by allowing her to keep her magnifying glass (she was terrified I/dad was going to take it away if she used new glasses.)
I have a photo of mum reading her Readers Digest on Kindle.... Miracle of miracles! Mum and dad now argue over who's turn it is to use it!!!
Whoever suggested a Kindle to me from this forum; I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I didn't even know what they were.
I got my parent's Kindle from Argos. I also got £20 worth of vouchers, and blew them on a larger slow cooker we needed (mum needs her meat to be dead tender so she doesn't struggle cutting it; slow cookers are brill for that.)

Mum Has low blood pressure, so I'm involving her in gardening for exercise, which I'm rubbish at; gardening that is, not exercise.
I even persuaded her to go out tomorrow with me to a local garden centre... the first time in years she'll have been out, other than to me bro's and the Green Lodge for family day out.
I read some article by Monty Don about having flowering daffs and narcissi at Xmas. But I need to get some some 'paper white' daffs and 'Narcissi Papyraceus' bulbs (wot ever they are?)
This garden centre's website sounds amazing. It's got a craft centre, a water garden and an ace sounding restaurant. And it's only 5 mins drive down the road from us.
I suggested we wrapped up well, left at about midday, and have a girlie lunch... all at dad's expense (that appealed to her.)
But those blasted walking sticks came into it; she'd never be able to walk around. I was ready for her. I nonchalantly pointed out that the staff have wheel chairs for those with poor mobility; I'd wheel her around, and she could peruse plants to her hearts content.
At first she was all huffy and puffy about a wheel chair. But I made out it would be 'fun', I'd give her wheelies if she liked; she liked.
She's actually agreed, weather permitting, to come with me to the garden center.... now that is a minor miracle, considering her virtual agoraphobia.

Thank you Monty Don, and your Xmas daff suggestion. Mum now wants to buy some Pointsetters, whatever they are?

Please, dear god, that the sun shines tomorrow, and no more hail storms till Tuesday.
Youve done well sajehar - hope you have a good day out Image


PS "Paper white" daffs and "Narcissi Papyraceus" are the same thing (the second one is its posh Latin name) - its a particular type of white daffodil with a nice scent. You can buy the bulbs at this time of year and plant them in a pot indoors. It might be a bit late for flowering by Christmas now, but will still be lovely for spring. Poinsettias are those plants with red/white sort of flowers that are always associated with Christmas - theres bound to be loads
Bloody rain!!!
ImageImage
Sajhar
Your post bought a wonderful smile to my face when I was feeling low. You are doing so wonderfully well. Times to remember when as time goes on you are no longer able to do these things.
It doesn't take long for the benefits of the weekend to wear off. It seems so long now since we have what used to be normal life together.
June 2010 I arranged to take him to Berlin for a few days because that is where he spent most of his national service. Our daughter knew as I did when we could see how the memory was going that if I didn't do it then it would be too late for him to enjoy it. He walked, took it all in, took photos and was completely with it. I just seem surprised that just over 3 years ago he could do all that. We were going to a museum and people kept telling us the entrance was round the next corner and this happened about 3 times so we walked quite a way and didn't pass any traffic so there was no bus or taxi. I feel amazed that just over 3 short years ago he could do all that and now cannot stand.
He wasn't keen on the wheelchair either but as his memory deteriorated it didn't matter. He seems to take all the carers have to do for him in his stride.
Hi Daffy

I know I'm on borrowed time with mum, and want to make the most of it while I can.

Had ace day out with mum at garden centre; half day actually. That bloody rain/hail did stop.
I then had to go through the whole rigmarole of persuading her to come with me. I resorted to emotional and horticultural blackmail in the end: If you don't come then I'm not going either; no pointsetter things for you, and no paper white daffs for me.

She knew I'd set my heart on paper white daffs for Xmas, even though neither of us have a clue what they actually are, apart from them being titchy white nice smelling daffs (thanks, Crocus), and begrudging agreed to go with me.

We're definitely going again. The meal was ace, and surprisingly good value, and we came back with loads of bulbs. It has a craft centre, which mum loved, and a water garden set up which I loved.

Following a suggestion from a fellow member, I've tracked down our nearest wildlife centre. It's in Martin Mere by Southport, and has one of the few remaining populations of red squirrels in Britain.
When I mentioned that to mum, she actually wanted to go! She wants to see a real life Squirrel Nutkin????
I shall ring them later to see if they provide wheelchairs like the garden centre did. If not, I'll just have to beg, borrow, but not steal one, from somewhere else.
I think the garden centre trip helped her accept that wheelchairs aren't all bad.... progress! And I didn't even have to give her wheelies. Just as well, as wheelchairs are a hell of a lot heavier than commodes.