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nothing left to give!!!!! - Carers UK Forum

nothing left to give!!!!!

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Hubby's dementia seems to have got worse this last 2 weeks, nothing serious, just more confusion, less ability to think straight, more mithering about obsessions.
It's me that's cracking up-AGAIN. If it had just been the dementia starting I probably could have coped but it's after the 4+ years I've already done 24/7 after the stroke.
Pushed him round the car boot yesterday(yes one of is obsessions) and woke up this morning with every single arthritic bit hurting. Got an appointment with the ortho consultant re my failed hip re-surface on Thursday, might need another hip. Got appointment with Doc on Tuesday re Blood pressure and talk about councelling to come to terms with it all.
Not heard from Social worker (6 weeks now) about our move to independant sheltered accomodation, still don't know if I can afford it yet.
Feel like Cxxp. Can't be bothered to get dressed, clean or even wash up and that's bugging me because everyone always took the mickey out of how much I used to clean.
Rant over. Thank you for listening

I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you have depression on top of it all. I say this from my own experiance with depression years ago. I physically could not move, total energy drain and could care less that I couldn't get up and clean house etc. Do you have any extened family that could help while you had some time of?
Oh Daylily - I so know where you're coming from. Mum's definitely on another big downturn and if I don't get a break soon then I'm the one that's going to end up in the care home first Image

I can cope with all the practical side of caring; the clearing up, the endless laundry, dispensing the meds etc but it's the emotional side that's so hard to cope with.

Hope you get some joy with getting your hip sorted and the counselling.

Hi Daylily,

the cumultative affect of caring shouldn't be underestimated. I have been caring for S for nearly 11 years and he has got more complex to care for in recent years, and that combined with no break for so long has multiplied the affect on me, of caring.

Caring when you are in pain is even harder, you are being pushed to the tolerance limit from all angles. Not to mention feeling guilty trying to juggle your needs with your carees needs. I have arthritis too and had my most recent op a year ago. In the lead up to that op I was really crippled and that made caring for S - challenging, energetic etc even more difficult.

If your hip resurface has failed and is giving you lot of pain, they will have to act. Are they suggesting a THR?

Time to start badgering that social worker - ringing up to find out what is happening and making a not of date, time and who you spoke to each time...

Hope your GP gets the counselling sorted for you asap. Not surprised you are struggling with all the chores, would any of those folks who used to tease you about keeping everything so nice, give a bit of practical help if you asked?

Hello all, Feeling better today, mind you it helps when the sun shines- glorious day here.
myrtle- hugs gratefully received, you cannot beat a cuddle when you're down.
sparklingtechie- I don't think I'm depressed, been there and took myself off the pills as I couldn't function at all on them. Did it over 6 months so didn't 'crash'. Feels different this time. No there is no extended family nearby, not a helpful bunch anyway.
susieq- I know you have been caring a long time now and you're right it's the emotional emptiness that's hard. The talking about little things. Mind you we were playing i-spy at 3am this morning, some of hubby's answers were hilarious to put it mildly. Bless him he does try. Bit nervous about seeing the Doc tomorrow.
Melly1- We moved away from family because they never offered to help when we lived near, at least they have an excuse for not coming now. They come down on holiday and pop-in for a cuppa then leave.
I try not to think about them.
I suppose the Doc's will be considering a THR though it might only be the 'ball' bit that needs replacing from what I've been reading on the Surface Hippy website.
Do you mind me asking who looked after your caree while you had your op? I know it's silly but hubby seems too young to me to be put in a CH while I have the op, his Mum's in a CH and it's a good one but cannot see hubby in one.
Once again thank you all.
take care
just glad you are feeling a little better Image