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- Member
Sun Jul 28, 2019 7:49 am
I last posted 4 years ago and I’m still struggling. I’ve withdrawn from my 90year old Mum for my own sanity but keep in touch for my integrity.
Today I visited my 90 year old capable, but can’t stop complaining Mum. I gave her a gift. As soon as my husband left the room she was onto me. How had the quilt that was missing get back into the airing cupboard? I knew where this was going. She’s accused me many times, it can only be me, no one else can have done it. Although she did ask who else has got a key to her house when I go through all the names she discounts and excuses everyone else saying things like no she wouldn’t do that etc.
I explained it wasn’t me why would I do that? She says who else could it be. Bla bla I’ve heard it all before.
The affect on me. Total stress, feeling bad about myself. Going over old painful childhood memories. Not wanting to discuss with siblings due to their lack of support in the past and assuming they won’t see this accusation as irrational.
I am not the daughter that should be caring. That one died sadly. I was the odd one out who became the rock for my parents and relentlessly cared for years and years. My siblings remained at arms length. Suddenly after my Dad died my siblings moved away and I felt alone. I struggled and I reached out to them for support. Eventually I burnt out I had nothing left and I had to look after me.
Now the dynamics have changed. The siblings (4) have all been made powers of attorney and executors and I’ve been pushed down the line below my younger sister. I feel hurt. Even though I’m aware I can’t care as I once did. I feel pressure from them all to be this daughter I can no longer be. They don’t understand what I go through when I see Mum. It’s as if as soon as I arrive she has an axe to grind and she’s onto me. I take my husband mainly but even this didn’t help me yesterday.
I keep going back for more, as if it’s still the same or it may get better but it never does.
My Mum complains about everything and accuses me and I react so badly to it. It takes me a few days to recover from each encounter.
Today I visited my 90 year old capable, but can’t stop complaining Mum. I gave her a gift. As soon as my husband left the room she was onto me. How had the quilt that was missing get back into the airing cupboard? I knew where this was going. She’s accused me many times, it can only be me, no one else can have done it. Although she did ask who else has got a key to her house when I go through all the names she discounts and excuses everyone else saying things like no she wouldn’t do that etc.
I explained it wasn’t me why would I do that? She says who else could it be. Bla bla I’ve heard it all before.
The affect on me. Total stress, feeling bad about myself. Going over old painful childhood memories. Not wanting to discuss with siblings due to their lack of support in the past and assuming they won’t see this accusation as irrational.
I am not the daughter that should be caring. That one died sadly. I was the odd one out who became the rock for my parents and relentlessly cared for years and years. My siblings remained at arms length. Suddenly after my Dad died my siblings moved away and I felt alone. I struggled and I reached out to them for support. Eventually I burnt out I had nothing left and I had to look after me.
Now the dynamics have changed. The siblings (4) have all been made powers of attorney and executors and I’ve been pushed down the line below my younger sister. I feel hurt. Even though I’m aware I can’t care as I once did. I feel pressure from them all to be this daughter I can no longer be. They don’t understand what I go through when I see Mum. It’s as if as soon as I arrive she has an axe to grind and she’s onto me. I take my husband mainly but even this didn’t help me yesterday.
I keep going back for more, as if it’s still the same or it may get better but it never does.
My Mum complains about everything and accuses me and I react so badly to it. It takes me a few days to recover from each encounter.