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Carers UK Forum • Inappropiate behaviour
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Inappropiate behaviour

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 3:05 pm
by Gman65
Help needed,I care for my mother who has dementia and have done for nearly two years now.I have been reported for inappropiate behaviour towards my mother in a hospital whilst visiting my father,but is giving my mother a little kiss and a cuddle if she wants one actually Inappropiate behaviour.

Re: Inappropiate behaviour

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:04 pm
by bowlingbun
Actually, I would have said giving mum a kiss and cuddle in hospital was exactly the RIGHT thing to do, if not, then I'm guilty of inappropriate behaviour too. The mother/child bond is lifelong, there are times when a kiss and cuddle says more than words, especially in a hospital where you are constantly surrounded by others. I would never dream of going to seem mum and not giving her a kiss on arrival and on departure. So much depends on the sort of family you are I suppose. My eldest son is a big gorilla type, but on certain stressful occasions a hug has seemed far more appropriate than any words could ever say. The most important word here is surely family, we are not care workers, bound by rules and regulations, we are related. Actually, I'm a great believer that if there were more kisses and cuddles in the world, there would be a lot less aggravation, but I'm a hopeless romantic!!!

Re: Inappropiate behaviour

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:26 pm
by Gman65
True,I was taking my mother to see my father who was in hospital with a suspected stroke.He went for a little walk with the physio,that's when my mam put her arm round me for a kiss and cuddle.My son was also with us aswell.she seems to do it more if we are out anywhere.Its just a normal thing to us with her now,it makes me sick how people can say anything like that when they don't know the situation.

Re: Inappropiate behaviour

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:44 pm
by Myrtle
It's totally appropriate behaviour and the person who reported it as inappropriate needs to try for a little compassion and understanding! And hope that one day, when they need it, there will be someone there who loves them to give it.

Re: Inappropiate behaviour

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:57 pm
by Gman65
So now waiting for a visit from social services,the hospital have also said they spoke to my father about the incident. He has said nobody said anything to him at all,so my question is now what can I do about it ?

Re: Inappropiate behaviour

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 6:33 pm
by susieq
I would hope that when SS know the full facts - i.e. you were hugging your MUM ! - that they would treat this 'complaint' with the contempt it deserves, otherwise this is political correctness gone totally mad.

Re: Inappropiate behaviour

Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 9:43 am
by Scruffy
Hi Gman,
I had problems with social services last year after I'd simply hung up the phone on one of them. In the end I had to get ourselves (myself and my mum) a carer's advocate.
They know all our rights and the law and can speak for you, make calls for you etc.
They sit in on any meetings at home or elsewhere and the one we had really swung things more our way so that everything felt balanced. Prior to their involvement I felt at the total mercy of social services which was scary stuff.