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I'm back as in need of help - Carers UK Forum

I'm back as in need of help

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Hi ladies & gentlemen

I haven't been on this forum for a while now, as I have been busy working with the usual trials and tribulations that life throws at you, my mother is now quite happily in a care/nursing home, I visit her once, sometimes twice a week, although my visits are a little strained, as you can't really ask anything as they don't know, also although she's settled she keeps hold of the notion that she's coming home, which makes me feel so guilty, as if I don't feel guilty enough although that seems as though that never goes away, anyway I have been told it is a quite common practice.

I just had a visit yesterday, which was really nice as I now work part time, it was either taking that or redundancy, so I work part time at the same place, rather that then no job at all, anyway while I was there I phoned my brother in Australia so we could talk to him, he doesn't do it of his own accord as he hates it that she doesn't remember him, he hasn't been over since 2018 but keeps saying maybe next year, I won't hold my breath as I feel as though I am literally on my own now, and at times I get so down with it all.

Anyway I digress, my brother mentioned getting a POA, although I haven't needed one yet, as this is a joint tenancy and we have a joint bank account, the only instance where it would of come in handy I lost my phone or rather it was stolen, so I put a claim on my mothers house insurance, when I contacted them they said they needed permission from my mother so that they could disclose details and deal with me, I told them about my situation and stressed she wouldn't know what was going on, but the person I spoke to insisted so they phoned up the nursing home to speak to her, good luck with that, they ended up making an exemption for me as the staff even told them, so its because of this maybe its best all round if I had one of these, as you never know what's around the corner, hence why I asked you guys, so although I am on my way out, thought I would post this as you always give invaluable advice, besides as I said I have nobody to ask, well apart from my half sister, who I am going to see today, but she is in her 70s and is no help at all on these matters, she tries her best and I am grateful she is there, if only for someone to talk to, but as I said she's no help she didn't even know what a POA is, so really it is all on my shoulders, so where do I start, I mean how do I even apply for one, how long does it take, how much does it cost, I had a quick look on the gov website and it mentioned it can take up to 20 weeks, is this right?

Samantha
Hi Samantha

Unfortunately you won't be able to get a Power of Attorney (also known as a Lasting Power of Attorney) at this stage.

From the .GOV website https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney
A lasting power of attorney (LPA) is a legal document that lets you (the ‘donor’) appoint one or more people (known as ‘attorneys’) to help you make decisions or to make decisions on your behalf.

This gives you more control over what happens to you if you have an accident or an illness and cannot make your own decisions (you ‘lack mental capacity’).

You must be 18 or over and have mental capacity (the ability to make your own decisions) when you make your LPA.

There are 2 types of LPA:

health and welfare
property and financial affairs
You can choose to make one type or both.
The "donor" in this case would be your Mum and as she now doesn't have mental capacity the Court of Protection rule that she is not in a fit state to make a PoA. And you, your brother (or both of you) can be named as "attorneys".

Regrettably you will now have to go down the route of applying to the Court of Protection for deputyship -https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy - which will allow you to make decisions on behalf of someone who no longer has mental capacity. It is an expensive and lengthy process and requires meticulous record keeping as the Court of Protection regularly audit expenditure etc.

You might find it helpful to get advice from a solicitor who is experienced in this area.
ah thanks Susieq, I didn't know that but I wondered, I never thought I would really need one, as all that is in my mothers name is a few bills where the names are easily transferred, he only mentioned it now, as although she is in a nursing home, she does still have Lucid moments, so if that is the case can't I even get one now?
Are you mum's DWP Appointee, so you can just manage her benefits for her?
Really quick and easy to do.
Samantha
I doubt you will get power of attorney now. My husband had many lucid moments but not the capacity to understand what power of attorney was. I had to go down the court of protection route. Sadly very intrusive and expensive.
I advise you to firstly take up the suggestion that Bowlingbun wrote and speak to the Dwp. You may be able to be an appointee. If no luck have a look on the guardianship websites. You will be able to talk through your concerns.
Samantha_1909 wrote:
Sat Apr 02, 2022 1:28 pm
ah thanks Susieq, I didn't know that but I wondered, I never thought I would really need one, as all that is in my mothers name is a few bills where the names are easily transferred, he only mentioned it now, as although she is in a nursing home, she does still have Lucid moments, so if that is the case can't I even get one now?
We got PoA for my Mum after she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's but before she lost mental capacity. The solicitor who did the paperwork was insistent that he speak to Mum privately (without me present) so that he could be sure that she understood what she was doing and signing up to - at that point in time she was still compos mentis so could make an informed decision. The PoA was drawn up signed by her and I then kept it safe until it was needed. A couple of years later she had lost mental capacity and I then registered the PoA so that I could use it. It did come in very handy when I needed to speak to her bank or utilities companies (I had to send them notarised copies). Back then there wasn't a separate one for health and welfare so it also came in useful when I needed to speak to her GP.