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I am tired & sad!!! - Carers UK Forum

I am tired & sad!!!

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Hi
I just need a place to vent. So I’m a single childless woman in my 40s who moved in with my mother to care for her, which meant leaving behind my community of friends several states away. In addition to having dementia, my mom is also a narcissist. Since relocating to my mother’s, I’ve been busy managing her care while also trying to set up a life for myself: searching for jobs, trying to find social groups to join, trying to get enough exercise to support my mental & physical health. I hate being unemployed, I feel like such a loser, and it’s so draining to spend every day hunting for & applying for jobs. Anyhow. Friday was my birthday. I told myself I could have the day off from job searching and exercise and all the “to-do’s” I assign myself. I didn’t have any plans and I don’t have any friends here to celebrate with, but I at least wanted to be gentle and kind with myself. Of course my mother forgot my birthday. And I reminded her. And she went out to the drugstore and got me a Hallmark card and a bag of shitty chocolates. I know I shouldn’t have expected anything but it still made me so sad. I’ve sacrificed so much for her and I’m so lonely and have no idea what the hell I’m doing w my life other than caring for a thankless old lady and a dog. I ended up going for a hike on my birthday. It was fine. But when I pulled into the driveway of my mom’s house, I just sat in my car…contemplating what the point of it all is. Telling myself I did not want another birthday like this next year. Feeling just pretty hopeless and tired. Thought about not going on. I have a therapist who I see weekly, thank god for that. But otherwise I am completely alone, despite my efforts to meet people. There is no other family involved in my mom’s care. It’s just on me. I thought I’d reach out here because I’m sure at least some of you can relate. I’m sorry for such a long omegle post.
Thanks for reading.
I totally get where you are coming from, I don’t really have any answers but want you to know that you are not the only one that feels like this, lots of us out there sadly. So pleased that you are seeing someone weekly to talk to, I do hope that helps you. Is it worth looking into doing some voluntary work maybe?
I'm going through a pretty similar situation to yours and I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, especially at such a young age.

This issue sounds really similar to my grandmother's behavioural and overall manic episodes that concided with her having an UTI. Once we got her on a set of antibiotics the behavioural episodes and constant bathroom trips significantly decreased and sleeping at night became a bit easier for everyone involved. Melatonin at bedtime also seemed to help.
Hi Joda,

Welcome to the forum.

I'm worried when you talk about continually job searching.
Assumingt you are in the UK, are you claiming Carers Allowance? If so, you are not required to look for work.
Is mum getting Attendance Allowance?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Did you know that mum is exempt from Council Tax? This can be backdated to the start of her dementia!
Mum is NOT being an ungrateful old lady. She has dementia, her brain is shrinking and she is incapable of doing some things.

Does she own or rent her home? Tis is a VERY important issue to consider. More when I have your reply.
Joda,
You need someone to talk to, which you can do online with others in your situation that HAVE coped with situations like this.
Mobilise do a online video chat on weekly and daily basis, they are very kind and will do coaching sessions to discuss solutions direct with you.
see mobiliseonline.co.uk