Help

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
I am new to this website so hope not doing this wrong through my tears this morning. I am a carer for my 88 year old Mum with vascular dementia and have reached the end of doing this, I cannot do anymore, another fight with Mum this morning, and l know it cannot continue but I do not know what to do next or where to go for help. I tried contacting my local council 4 months ago and so far have received a visit about emergency care for 48 hours only and even after that visit have heard nothing more. I need to leave here or Mum to leave I am making myself ill trying to do this, sorry for ranting but don't know what to do, thanks
Hello, welcome to the forum. Ask Social Services to arrange an emergency placement. You CANNOT be forced to care. Alternatively, if mum's behaviour is aggressive, ring for an ambulance. Sadly, this may be the quickest way of getting something done. It sounds like you have been completely and utterly ignored by the system. Also, make a formal complaint to the Head Office of Social Services in your County, not the local office. Usually, you can do this online.
Hi Kim
Sorry to hear how difficult things have become for you. I look after Dad who also has Vascular Dementia but is manageable at the moment. I just wondered if you had come across the forum for the Alzheimers Association called Talking Point. I think a lot of people dealing with Vascular Dementia overlook the site thinking it deals purely with Alzheimers but all aspects of dementia are covered . They also provide an amazing library of free downloads and publications you can request.
I realise that won't wave a wand or solve your problem but I thought it worth mentioning if you hadn't come across it.
I agree with Bowlingbun to jump up and down and be firm with Social Services that your mum is now their responsibility as you can't cope and stress how unwell you have been feeling.
I also agree that if mum is getting violent or falls, then 999 for an ambulance and over to the hospital to resolve. Does she have any other conditions besides dementia?
Can I just ask and not wanting to put a spanner in the works but sometime ago when mum was being aggressive and I called the 101 number they advised they would have to ask the police to attend as well if mum was being aggressive.....which quiet frankly scared the shit out me and I cancelled the ambulance.
Have you tried the " walk away and let things calm down approach" as my mum is like this at bedtimes and I have sat at the top of the stairs and sobbed my heart out on numerous occasions.....my mum is blind with dementia so if she is in her wheelchair I normally wedge the wheels of her chair and walk away to another room. It may take a few minutes, it sometimes can take up to a hour but when I come back in and try again and it usually works....but I have to say sadly my mum sees me as a carer not her daughter anymore.
It is so frustrating dealing with SS as no one could help me get any respite as we are self funding and I'm in a battle with Ocupational therapy about a bed for downstairs but they won't supply bed rails which is daft as she will just fall out of bed.
Sometimes I feel that the health authorities cause me more stress then mum herself.
Thanks for the advice, just feel I am struggling at the moment, but nice to know I am not alone. Yes will contact Social Services again, guess I will have to keep trying
Hi Kim
I am also caring for my 88 year old mum who has vascular dementia, she is also profoundly deaf and as stubborn as a mule!
I don't enjoy caring, find it very stressful and extremely difficult at times; I often feel I am right at the end of my rope. Have you looked into day care? I arranged it for mum but sadly she refused to use it and took to her bed but I know it is a godsend to many carers. The other people to contact are your local carers organisation because they are there for you not mum. A carers assessment is yours by right and you should arrange for it at a neutral location without mum.
This forum here is a great help for anything from a good rant through to lots of up to date experience and advice. I would also agree, get back to ss, ask them who was assigned as your mum's care adviser and find out what they are planning to do. Maybe ask for another assessment so they can see how your situation has changed.
Good luck and take care
Tracy