He has multiple medical conditions and dementia

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
I was so upbeat just before Christmas, and thought I had everything working well

I understood his ileostomy,( that he cannot deal with) his need for warfarin, his cellulitis ( controlled) his dementia, and we were, reasonably OK with things.

He has never been totally aware of his own health in the 7 years I have known him, but since the dementia struck, he is much much less so. I see it as part of my role as his carer, is to monitor his physical health and make sure he is alright.

BUT it's all about having the little ducks all lined up, only for them to fly away!

On Christmas Day he told me he was going to the toilet more - this means a wee, as he has a stoma and bag for the other. I took what he told me as meaning he was taking on board more fluids, as I had kept telling him to.

Boxing Day, after the visitors were gone, he wandered off to the loo again. AND a thought struck me ( they do sometimes) When he returned I asked him if he had had a wee, and he said 'No,not for ages' - half an hour of carefully worded questions in order to get some kind of reasonable answer, and I decided to ring 111, as he simply had no idea when he had last been able to wee properly. I spoke to them, a medic rang me back and we decided we needed an out of hours visit. I cannot praise this service enough, having used them many times....... they were busy and it was 6 hours later before the door bell rang at almost 2AM.

The poor ould fella needed a catheter and bag fitted, as it very much looks now as though there are problems with his prostate. It was not a pleasant experience and he raised the roof somewhat - thank goodness our next door neighbour is deaf, heaven only knows what she might have thought! he now has more bags than Tesco with his stoma and now this!

So, I feel completely flummoxed now by this new health problem - I feel with his dementia as well, I really have a huge responsibility of care for this dear man. There are so many things amiss with him, and as he does not realise when something is wrong, I am on pins.

I am his only carer - his children are 200 miles away.

What to do?
Lucky you had that particular thought wasn't it.

I have to read the signs, be a detective and piece it together with S too. He struggles to work out what is going on with his own body and usually the first indication of a problem is a change in behaviour. I used to say that I wished he had a Teletubby screen that would display his health status and any problems!

As for what to do? It sounds like the time will come when the Ould fella will need nursing care, that might be soon it might not be. Perhaps you should do some homework and check out his options, whether you need to action this soon or at some point in the future.

Dear Mary
1. Keep your wonderful sense of humour. It is what will get you through
2 Start looking at residential care. His NEEDS are increasing and are getting to the stage there are too many for one person.
3 Make sure the prostate/urinary thing is followed up asap
4 Each of us cares well until there is an emergency or another ailment. We all only balance and juggle an illusion of normality

We all have our "breaking point", I certainly had one. My dad had prostate cancer, he was OK up to a point and then went downhill very quickly.
Make sure he has a PSA urine test at very least to see exactly what is going on, and if it's high, insist on a scan asap to see what is going on inside. This is the point when you don't know what to wish for I'm afraid. Take it step by step. There is a prostate cancer charity and information service if that is what the ultimate diagnosis is.
Tell the doctors that it's really important that they share information with you, as he also has dementia, and also that you live in a fairly remote location, if I remember rightly?