God I hate this disease !!

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Why is it so hard !. Mum has come home tonight after a miraculas recovery over the last couple of days. She suddenly remembered how to walk and move around unassisted, but his caused another problem, the nurses were having trouble keeping an eye on her so she has been shipped back home to us. Mum has only been home a couple of hours and she has already hit me and sworn at me repeadatly as well as being bloody minded again. I feel so down as I love my mum but this person is not my mum!. I feel so trapped but cannot leave my dad to cope alone, I am not sure if I can go on like this for the rest of my life. Image
Danny, dementia is the one disease that takes away everything that you are. It changes character, behaviour and of course memory so that the person you see is not the person you know.

I have a distant family member in the early stages of dementia and a friend's father who is further down the road: it's not something I've had to deal with close up yet, although my father is showing some early signs of vascular dementia now. So I can't advise you other than to contact your local Alzheimer's Society to find out what support is available from them.

No doubt someone will be along who can offer more help and support - but remember, you're not alone.
I know how you feel Danny. I cope on my own with my Mum's dementia and I hate it. She cannot do anything for herself and talks in riddles, I have to sit in her bedroom day and night as she constantly calls out and I am emotionally and mentally drained. I don't know how much longer I can cope with it, my only answer is a nursing home, but I am not strong enough to make that decision yet. I am going to try and make it to Christmas and then see how things are, but I am only putting off the enevitable. I do get a 'sitter' for 10 hours a week over the 7 days, but I dread going home when I have been out. Maybe you could get a care package sorted through Social Services to at least get you and your Dad out, the problems are still there when you get back but it has helped me to see friends and feel normal again.
There is no positive answer Danny, I wish there was for both of us,
Hugs
Bluebird x
Hi Danny & Bluebird

I feel for you both - My Mum is in the middle stages of dementia, not as far along as yours and I too find it difficult to equate this confused, muddled and depressed old woman with the vibrant, active and intelligent woman that was my Mother. It depresses the hell out of me to consider that one day this may also be my lot.

I once read an article written by a lady who cared for her Alzheimer sufferer husband in which she said that she had to keep reminding herself that (a) it was no-one's fault - a trick of fate and (b) that he didn't ask or want to be the way he was. This has now become my mantra when coping with my Mum; some days it helps other days it doesn't. I know that the day will come when I probably won't be able to cope any longer and then I hope that I will have the courage and strength to put her in a nursing home.

look after yourselves - you matter too

(((((((hug)))))))))
susieq
Thanks Susieq for your hugs and kind words. Dementia is such a difficult illness, I hope that it is a long while before you have to think about a home for your Mum. I know deep down that I have done all that I can for my Mum but I still feel that I would be letting her down if I didn't have her at home. Emotions eh? who needs them!
U take care to,
Bluebird x
thanks for your caring replies we are now at the stage of looking at care homes for day care as dad finally has realized he cannot cope so will let you all know how we get on. I am at the stage now that I just want to stop as I am losing patience and it frightens me. Image
Thinking of you and your Dad Danny, take care
Bluebird x
My Jill had mini strokes two & a half years ago which caused Vascular Dementia. She did improve quite a lot (the brains a clever piece of kit) but she's not the girl that I married 44yrs ago, I have to look after her 24/7 and some days I think I'm going mad stuck in doors so much. I have an awful job to get her out and she hates me leaving her alone, even for a few minutes. I dont get any outside help as she flattly refuses to be cared for by strangers.
My Daughters very good with her but lives 15miles away and has her own business to run single handed. It's just not fair to expect her to help.
Who knows what will happen in the future. God forbid that I become ill. Dosen't bear thinking about!!
You've all got my kind thoughts and good wishes. Wish it could be much more.

God bless

Pete Image
Hugs to you Pete, I wish you could get some outside help, even a few hours helps me. My Mum sulks everytime I go out and tries to stop me going so it isn't easy and I feel guilty, but its so nice just to breathe fresh air now and again.
take care,
Bluebird x
My Jill had mini strokes two & a half years ago which caused Vascular Dementia. She did improve quite a lot (the brains a clever piece of kit) but she's not the girl that I married 44yrs ago, I have to look after her 24/7 and some days I think I'm going mad stuck in doors so much. I have an awful job to get her out and she hates me leaving her alone, even for a few minutes. I dont get any outside help as she flattly refuses to be cared for by strangers.
My Daughters very good with her but lives 15miles away and has her own business to run single handed. It's just not fair to expect her to help.
Who knows what will happen in the future. God forbid that I become ill. Dosen't bear thinking about!!
You've all got my kind thoughts and good wishes. Wish it could be much more.

God bless

Pete Image
Neither of my parents are in particularly good health but they don't hesitate to help me with my son if I need them to. My brother also is there when I need him. There's a difference between expecting someone to help and asking them if they wouldn't mind helping out, so maybe there's something your daughter could do?

Rie
x