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Carers UK Forum • Finding it hard Mentally to cope, any advice?
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Finding it hard Mentally to cope, any advice?

Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2020 1:52 pm
by Julie _2007
Hi all,

I’ve been caring for my mum since last October after taking her out of a care home as she wasn’t happy. I moved my family To Kent as we needed downstairs accommodation for my mum to move in with us.

I thought I was doing the right thing for my mum as she would be with her family and I probably did do the right thing but I’m finding it a daily battle to feed my mum as she hardly likes anything. She’s not interested in doing any crafts with us and point blank refuses. She won’t even go out with with our help into the beautiful garden we have.

I know all these things are to do with her condition but she doesn’t seem grateful or happy that she’s living with us and swears at our teens and me for no reason at all. I’m worried that I’ve done the wrong thing and was in tears today with the stress of it all.

I try so much with my mum but she seems to take offence to everything.

Can people in a similar situation tell me how you cope mentally with being shouted at and food thrown all over the floor?

She accuses my daughter of Stereling her clothes.

She is also rude to friendS that come over and asks them what time they are leaving. My mum has only been diagnosed with dementia in the last couple of years so she does know who we are and where she is. She finds it difficult to hold a conversation so I think she gets frustrated, which is part of dementia.

Any advise from anyone how I can deal with this so our home can be happy again?

Our poor teens have been locked down for several months and bless them they have coped well, not sure I have though.

I myself have been doing this 7 days a week, plus so work from home, so it’s been fairly trying and I want to do a better job!

Re: Finding it hard Mentally to cope, any advice?

Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2020 10:17 pm
by bowlingbun
You did the wrong thing, uprooting your family, I'm afraid.
Dementia is difficult, mum may have lost the ability to be happy. Are you getting any help from Social Services?

Re: Finding it hard Mentally to cope, any advice?

Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2020 10:40 pm
by Melly1
Hi Julie,

caring for someone with dementia is extremely hard and you are juggling her care, working from home and caring for your teens.

Do you receive any support from paid carers at all?

Your Mum may be masking how affected she is by the dementia, so I would reduce social demands on her and if she doesn't want to join in with activities or go outside etc - then respect that. You can't be responsible for her happiness, only she can be responsible for that. That doesn't mean you and your children can't do these activities though.

A lot of people have difficulty with feeding carees with dementia and the very old. Try offering her very small portions, sometimes finger foods are better accepted. Often carers have found their caree prefers foods they ate when they were younger.

If the current set up is not working, then it might be a case of reconsidering residential care for her.

Melly1