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Father is bullying - and now pushing - my mother - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Father is bullying - and now pushing - my mother

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Only just joined this forum and now am about to leave. Police? What sort of caring is that? I came here because I have taken some responsibility for my Dad and his problems and wanted to share with others of similar experience. Unfortunately I appear to have found a bunch of folks who want to put responsibilities onto others. Well, best of luck to you all.
Hi Adrian,

Please don't be too hasty to judge. In an ideal world, everyone with dementia and any other illness would get the care they needed without any problem at all. At the moment, the system is broken. For some, the very last thing they want to do, becomes the only option left.

Caring can be hugely challenging. I've had a total of TEN carees. At one time five relatives, all four elderly parents plus our brain damaged son were all entitled to highest DLA Care! We did our very best, my husband DIED from a massive heart attack, I shall always believe that the stress of caring was largely responsible. I also nearly died, saved by a skilled surgeon and major surgery, but I'll never be my old self again.

You can ask any question on the forum about caring and within 24 hours get a range of answers from people who are either current, or former carers.
You will find all sorts of advice about who to ask, who is responsible, how much money, what an aid is like, etc. etc.
Inevitably, you won't agree with some answers, but hopefully, others will be really helpful. Whether you consider the advice is worth following or not is entirely a personal choice.

Many people belong to the forum, some are active members - I am now only a part time carer for my son, all our parents, my husband, and my brother have all died, but i stick around to help others avoid the mistakes I made.
Adrian, did you read the full thread? The poster's Dad has dementia and the dementia is causing him to hurt his wife. She like him, is vulnerable. The poster asked social services for support, but no support was given. It is a sad situation, but often the case, that the intervention of the police can sometimes be needed to keep everyone safe in a safeguarding situation. Clearly it is untenable for the poster's mother to keep caring for the father. If she was seriously injured what would happen to the both of them?

If you read other posts on the forum, you'll realise every caring situation is different, the way care is given is different and the advice and support for one, is not the same for another.

Did you visit this thread because someone you know is pushing and hurting someone?

I feel so sad you feel this way Adrian. We all have different situations and this is an extreme one. Where the mother's safety was being compromised. Sometime an extreme action is the only one to keep all parties safe.

In an ideal world there would be some sort of emergency mental health care. I was amazed there wasn't when Dad fell ill. But there isn't. A 999 call would be a last resort, but it is good to know it is there in an emergency. Knowing a few police officers I would be extremely confident of the being sensitive to the person being unwell rather than criminal. it never came to this with Dad, for us in an extreme situations the paramedics were helpful, but for some police will be the only option to keep themselves safe .Please don't judge until you are in the situation where you feel terrified that your otherwise strong caree is going to seriously hurt you on a daily basis.
The advice to call the police is for help with the situation. They actually helped someone in my now late husbands nursing home, to find much needed help, in fact absolutely insisted. Social services were not being very proactive. Police aren't always called to be threatening, but for assistance. I hope you will see situations in a different light. This is a non judgemental forum, and everyone's intention is to be supportive. To everyone, new, and users who have been here for a very long time.