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Father inlaw gone in to a home - Carers UK Forum

Father inlaw gone in to a home

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
heartbroken my father inlaw started getting violent with his dementia hubby's mum looked after him for five years with no help at all we had to get emergency dr out to him sat because he was wild we had a talk with his gp and he said it is time to make a choice we came back and rang social services for help they came Tuesday and he in respite at the moment till18th then he moves into a care home he such a nice man and never hit or lashed out at anyone so so heartbroken
Oh Tracie I am so sorry to hear this. There are others on here who will understand more what you are going through, but I wanted you to know I was thinking of you all. Scares me at times as it will be something my own family may face in the future with my hubby.

x x
Tracie, so sorry. I had the best mum in law in the world, never a cross word between us in over 34 years, but she developed dementia and needed a level of care my elderly father in law just give; and their tiny cottage was hopelessly unsuitable. It's such a cruel disease.
seen it for a while but all happend so fast
Tracie - sorry this has happened. I look after hubby and it is often on my mind that this could happen - dementia is so cruel, so sad.
My sympathy. Your MIL will no doubt be feeling wretched, a cross between grief and divorce plus the understandable anxiety about his future care. A lonely feeling. All intermingled and overall incredibly indescribably painful right now. And shocked.

If you, your MIL or any of your sympathisers/observers here do not yet understand as much as they want to concerning the aggression (or restlessness and agitation ) sometimes (though not always) experienced, at times, by dementia patients perhaps I can offer a constructive comment or two.

Aggression usually stems from the slowly decreasing cognitive skills misinterpreting situations. Stemming too From frustration, from fear, from lack of what we consider "normal" inhibitions.
In fact, signs of this aggresive behaviour in a more subtle format can be witnessed in some cases early on, even before diagnosis.

The good news is that, given time, in a professional setting well versed in dementia care, a setting with medical input, the behaviour can be well managed and the patient is very likely to revert to his his normal responses to situations. I hope you will witness this change.

Although dementia proceeds downwards there are many surprises en route. Not all of them are bad.
I suspect your MIL will have some times of comfort when her husband is again the man she knows. I am sure she will treasure those times. And I am sure you will be ACE at supporting her.
Although i can see your reason for this i would be very cautious as to the home he has gone to as abuse of the elderly is increasing and many of those places are just profit orientated,the staff poorly paid and the conditions can be appalling,if i was in your position i would not trust them much and keep a very close eye on them,i feel sorry for the poor souls who have no family and are at the mercy to the staff in some of those places.
thanks all

This was done not lightly and the care home we have chosen is one of the best and had family members in and never come across problems
Tracie, Im sure it was not done lightly - sometimes it is the only solution. Im glad he is in a good home and I hope he will settle soon.
we have a meeting on fri and social worker rang today and said from what he has read it is time he had full time care