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family disbelief - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

family disbelief

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Limana68, it's perfectly natural to feel guilty even when there's no need to, or reason for it. In your case, it's quite likely because you feel you should be able to do everything - care for your oh, your kids, your mum AND keep your job.

But you're not Supergirl. You wear your knickers inside your jeans, like the rest of us. Image Mind you, just think of the looks you'd get if you didn't.... Image
Does anyone else have family members like this? They think they have rights but no way will they share responsibility.
Whinge over, thanks, but any comments will bewelcome. audrey x
Yes...my parents and siblings, they think I am either lying and magically convincing the drs and getting the kids to lie (including making a baby not make any baby noises or speak for 4 years) or I gave it to them and have to live with it or better still both depending on the child.

This is all fogetting the fact my youngest actually has part of his brain missing from birth.
Yes Audrey an Susieq,
My family where exactly the same, susieq wrote( times mum forgets relatives have passed away).
my mum was identical .
Most family relatives are in denial ,leaving it to the carer, all to one person, but they will have to live with their GUILT. not us looking after our loved ones.

Yes, I have a twin sister who has refused to care for our mum, who has dementia, so I'm the one who has taken mum in to share a home with us (me and my husband) so I can look after her. My sister has not been at all helpful. She has done nothing concrete at all in the eighteen months or so since mum was diagnosed, and very little in the six years mum has been living here. In fact, she's been less than helpful.

When mum was rushed off to hospital in an emergency some months ago and I asked for a pre-discharge assessment, it resulted in my arranging for mum to go into a residential care home for three weeks while I sorted out a care package at home so that the hospital social workers would allow her to come home. My sister complained in no uncertain terms about mum being in the care home, refused to visit her to start with, and accused me of all sorts of ploys which were quite unjustified and unreasonable. My sister added considerably to the stress I was having trying my best to get a good care package in place, so that mum could come home. I didn't need that extra criticism and the stress that went with it. A little support would have gone a long way.

My sister has since agreed to come and visit once a week, the idea being to give me a bit of respite. But instead of being able to get on with other things for myself or having a break such as a walk for a bit of excercise (I have osteoporosis and I'm supposed to walk briskly at least three times a week to help strengthen my bones, but I rarely get time or opportunity), my sister tends to demand my attention with problems of her own, such as discussing the problem she's having with one of her three dogs. Last week she came with a record (vinyl) and asked if she could use our record player because she no longer has one, and wanted to hear it. So I spent some time putting the record on and attending to my sister's needs while poor mum was left falling asleep in the corner with no-one taking any notice of her.

Other members of the family mean well when they come to visit, but always start by asking mum what she's been doing lately. Mum, of-course, can't remember whether or not she's just had any lunch, what she's been doing earlier in the day, yesterday, or any other day. It puts mum in an uncomfortable position because she knows she can't remember and doesn't know how to reply. Members of the family find making conversation with mum difficult, understandably, so now they don't come so often. Which is a shame.

So you're not alone with your situation. Have strength in that! Avril