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diana dealing with dementia - Carers UK Forum

diana dealing with dementia

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
dear myrtle
thanks for redirecting me to this section.still finding my way about site. last thread has been locked because reaction to my posts a bit controversial. hope this wasnt my fault(dont think so) anyway hope i can carry on getting advice here.mother finally agreed she might like a day care session(think this would be good for all concerned as would reduce her isolation and mean who would have worry free day).will try to arrange tomorrow as need to strike while iron is hot.hopeful
Im glad you have found this section
Have a look at the posts - you will probably find talk about stuff you are having problems with. Good that she has agreed to go to day centre, but bear in mind that she will probably have forgotten by the time it comes round Image
It's here Diana Image
viewtopic.php?f=38&t=24167
Good news on the day care front Image
Just a consolation post Diana to let you know you are definitely not alone in dealing with this dreadful Illness - I've just returned home from my Mums (she has Vascular Dementia and at the moment lives on her own but with me there most of the time). I have been there since 11am and in that very short space of time I have been 1) The best daughter any Mum could wish for 2) a conniving Lass who is only on the lookout for herself 3) A really good girl and what would I do without you 4) an interfering so and so who she wishes would leave her well alone and lastly after me saying if we continue in this vain Mum you are seriously going to reduce me to tears to which she replied I really am not sire what you're talking about I love you so very dearly and would hate to think I'd upset you. Of course I know the very latter one is the truth not the Illness but it doesn't make the other hurtful comments any easier to live with whilst they are happening. I just have to take myself off into the greenhouse and try to understand that my Mum would really hate to be this nasty horrid person if she could only remember that on occasions she is.................. A really horrid disease that no one should be subjected to least of all the sufferer. I'm just glad I can get myself back to balanced reasonably quickly and as I say realise she doesn't want to be like this, how she would just love to be the dear old Gran sitting in her comfy chair with a bun on the back of her head smiling at everyone with a lovely fluffy dog on her lap but sadly that is not to be - Tee Hee I must admit tho' our beloved little lap dog Patrick aka Paddy is the only one she never seems to shout at she bestows so much love on him it is quite magical and he in return gives it back to her xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
thanks for responding . my mum loves dogs too i suppose unconditional love so lesson to be learned by us i suppose. i know how hard it is not to be appreciated when you are doing your best. trouble is my mum used to talk to my like that before she got ill. still i know she cant help it now. she has never told me she loves me,ever and to be honest i dont think she does but that doesnt alter my obligations to her,only makes it a bit harder, we musnt take it all personally must we? soldier on
as to day care .no joy so far all accessible ones full and next nearest cant pick her up and as at work cant take her.also need assessment from ss. ss cant do one for 10 weeks. queried this on advice from other posts and they said it would be about 10 weeks as they have so many crisis cases(people with no food etc)seems they are in s ome sort of meltdown of course they know I"m here don't they? suspect day centre will be full by the time we get assessed.Fed up
Dear Diana - it was most certainly NOT your fault your original thread got locked! It was mine, for being too controversial (and, in fact, illegal), and I am most truly sorry that you got locked out of your own thread, thanks to me!!

I'm only posting here now to say that to you. I won't be posting here otherwise.

Wishing you all the best with your situation. Jenny.
Again just consolation to let you know you're not alone Diana - I had a horrendous day with Mum at the dentist on Tuesday, Mum up to a month ago still had all of her own teeth and in a sorry state they were too - lovely young female dentist (about the same age as our Daughter!!) has been extremely patient with Mum, who insists she knows best and her teeth are fine - bit by bit the dentist has been removing the decaying teeth and adding them one by one to a denture plate - well Tuesday was the final fit and Mum let rip at her with such a vengeance that the practice owner had to take me into an office to get the problem sorted. Mum was so rude to her it was painful to witness - after explaining to the owner that Mums dementia can change her in a split second from a loveable old lady to an incensed tyrant eventually eased the situation .... luckily this particular set of medics understood and have promised to make an effort to calm her down in future and keep all liaisons with me..... when we got home my Aunt popped in to see how we had got on and Mum said what a lovely young lady the dentist is .... so so frustrating I have been up against so many so called professional people that seem to prefer to take a back seat and leave it all to me... I totally understand why you are so fed up I have had many high powered jobs in my life and I can tell you none of them were anywhere near as stressful as this one .... not a day goes by when I don't catch a glimpse of me in a passing mirror and wonder where on earth that professional lady in her elegant suit with a well made up face as gone... I now look like a wreck .... rant over today has been a better day LOL xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
oh yes! so familiar..mum kept trying to get the dentist to look at her corns! some are sympathetic some not. think a special clinic for dementia patients might be a good idea.I think anxiety sets my mum on the cantankerous path but you cant make a trip to the dentist anything but anxious making can you? hope your mum doesn't need too much more treatment.
Mum up to a month ago still had all of her own teeth and in a sorry state they were too - lovely young female dentist (about the same age as our Daughter!!) has been extremely patient with Mum, who insists she knows best and her teeth are fine - bit by bit the dentist has been removing the decaying teeth and adding them one by one to a denture plate
Sorry to go off topic slightly, but the dentist said my father (83) needs 4 teeth out, maybe more (X rays not totally clear), but Dad denies he has any dental pain. Do you think it's the case that dementia patients sometimes don't receive pain signals? Or maybe they just play down the problems, in a child-like way, to avoid a trip to the dentist?

Diana, I'm pleased to hear that your gradually sorting out a way to get a little of your life back. I hope things improve for you soon.

Jenny, please don't leave. It's true that some of your posts were a bit controversial, but as for being 'illegal' - I would say you're being overly hard on yourself by saying that. I can see the situation from both sides and can understand why some people may not agree with your approach, but I think you always had the best intentions, to help support carers coping with difficult carees. I'd miss your posts if you left.