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Desperate Carer needing advice please - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Desperate Carer needing advice please

For issues specific to caring for someone with dementia.
Oh my goodness, I did not realise that!! That is such helpful advice, thank you! I thought the cut off for that though was 50 years old and I am 49 (50 in August)? I think it might be enough to change the key safe number to something no one would think of or maybe take the key out. No one else has a key other than me. I am absolutely desperate for Mum to go into a care home for both her wellbeing and mine. I have asked the hospital SS to put their reports to me in writing but they will not. In fairness my SS worker seems ok but says he is hamstrung as to what he can do whilst Mum is in hospital as she is under their SS. I have an advocate allocated to me who is back in on Monday so will speak with her asap. Hospital have said the discharge team work Mon to Fri between 9am and 3pm so hoping nothing will happen before then, Thank you and appreciate everyone's advice. Am totally on my own other than this forum.
Talk to the helpline about the situation about the rules concerning when the house is and isn't considered. It's quite complicated, and has never applied to me, so I'm only going by what I've read at various times.
One set of regulations has a cut off date of 60, however this is not apparently a hard and fast rule. As I understand it, If selling the house would make you homeless, then the house should not be considered.
Then there are rules about deferred payments, when the council do take the value into consideration, but put a "charge" on the house, and they reclaim what they paid as fees after someone dies.
Then IF mum was eligible for NHS Continuing Healthcare it would all be entirely free!

Go round the house and gather together all the financial paperwork, and draw up some sort of financial statement detailing all income and expenditure, and especially savings.
Then try to work out how long it would be before mum runs out of money.

It's easiest to do your calculations on a weekly basis as then the figures involved are relatively small.
For example, if mum had a pension of £100 a week and benefits of £100 a week, that's an income of £200 a week.
If the home cost £800 a week, with an income of £200 a week, that means her savings would go down by £600 a week
£800 fees less income of £200 gives a sum of £600 going from her savings.

Hope that helps.
By the time mum was in care, I had the support of a very kind counsellor. Very helpful.
Whatever you do, DON'T remove the key or change the keysafe code!

Mum has a right to enter her own home. And it would automatically put you in the wrong.

However, I would take the approach that the 4 week placement in respite you're talking about be used to assess just exactly what she can do and can't - and her mental capacity. 4-6 weeks is about right for that and will give a much clearer idea of what you're dealing with.

I did that with my Mum because I was becoming increasingly certain she couldn't manage at home. She's now happily placed in a care home and although that was a wrench for me, she's safe and generally happy. And I'm no longer getting 4am calls from the careline because she's had a fall.
In my mum's case she did not want to come home, to be left alone for 22 hours, expected to poo in a nappy and sit in her mess for hours. She had capacity and everything I did was with her knowledge and approval.

It's more difficult if someone doesn't have capacity, but in those circumstances if someone has POA, their decision should be respected.
If no one has POA, then there should be a best interests meeting with all concerned attending.

If hospital staff are resorting to bullying, they need reporting.
Flutterbee wrote:
Fri Jan 21, 2022 8:44 pm
Oh my goodness, I did not realise that!! That is such helpful advice, thank you! I thought the cut off for that though was 50 years old and I am 49 (50 in August)? I think it might be enough to change the key safe number to something no one would think of or maybe take the key out. No one else has a key other than me. I am absolutely desperate for Mum to go into a care home for both her wellbeing and mine. I have asked the hospital SS to put their reports to me in writing but they will not. In fairness my SS worker seems ok but says he is hamstrung as to what he can do whilst Mum is in hospital as she is under their SS. I have an advocate allocated to me who is back in on Monday so will speak with her asap. Hospital have said the discharge team work Mon to Fri between 9am and 3pm so hoping nothing will happen before then, Thank you and appreciate everyone's advice. Am totally on my own other than this forum.
I would bypass the Ward staff and Social workers and call the hospital switchboard and ask to speak to the Manager or Matron for whichever directorate she's under the care of (ie elderly medicine, general medicine) You could also find out who her consultant is and ask switchboard to put you through to their secretary and say you want an appointment to speak to him urgently.
The hospital will have access to an on call Psychiatrist for the elderly. Tell the directorate manager, Matron and Consultant that unless she's had an assessment you won't be allowing her into the family home , FOR YOUR OWN AND HER SAFETY.
Your Mum doesn't have the capacity to make decisions about her own needs and safety, and the hospital aren't making the correct decisions for her, so , in that case it's up to you to make those decisions for her. It's known as acting in someone's best interest.
Whilst she's in the hospital or the ambulance she remains the responsibility of the NHS and they'd have to take her back to the hospital.
Have a look at this if you have time
https://www.gov.uk/government/publicati ... el#annex-a
IMO due to her mental health condition,your Mum has severe functional impairment which is beyond being able to be managed at home.
They've set aside extra funding to allow people with mental health issues to be discharge safely from acute care here
https://www.england.nhs.uk/coronavirus/ ... -20-v2.pdf
Update. So Mum is still in hospital and refusing all personal care. I understand that they are either waiting for a suitable package of care (home visit 4 times a day) or an interim placement for assessment and the placement is their preferred option. It does seem to be moving in the right direction if I can take what the Discharge co-ordinator said to me as true.

I did change the key safe number purely because so many people have it and I am at home on my own but the key is in there so someone only needs to call me for the new code. I know Mum's finances and she has enough in the bank for a care home for about a year or so before the house would be taken into consideration.

I have been phoning in daily to see how she is but am loathe to visit as last time I did (last week) they suddenly changed from interim placement to immediate discharge home and I had to fight to get that changed. The guilt is overwhelming though.
I had to limit my visits to see mum in hospital as they assumed that if I could visit, I could care for mum at home!
They never asked if this was possible, in fact my GP has said I should NEVER care for anyone ever again.

Surely if your mum won't accept even cooperate with staff in hospital it shows how impossible her care would be at home???