Delusions/dementia

[daylily]

Hi all,
Hubby is mostly ok, going downhill week by week.
Last night he was having delusions, he was wide awake but convinced he had done a 'job' down the road. He wanted me to lend him £40 to finish the decorating off.
We had about an hour of this at midnight. Managed to get him to sleep by saying I would lend him the money.
This morning had he forgotten???? No way, we had another hour of it.
Cannot convince him he was dreaming.
Now normally I would give him the money just to shut him up but I am a bit skint this month.
I have no idea how to get him off the subject, distract him etc.
Has anyone any ideas please, felt like walking out this morning when he started again.
Thanks

[rosemary]

Could you give him a small decorating job in your own home, such as painting a door.

[daylily]

Hi Rosemary,
Hubby is well past doing anything really, he's severely sight impaired and has tremors in his hands from his stroke.
He's no trouble most of the time as he sleeps 16-18 hours a day, he's done this since his stroke in 2007 and he's had a couple of TIA's since. Attention span is practically zero, when watching football he's no idea of the score or when it's half time.
I've been told he's at stage 6 dementia, though of course no two people are the same with this illness.
No more trouble today on the delusions front thank goodness.
Take care
x

[Dancedintherain]

Sending my best wishes, understand where you are, from experience. no trite answers for you ... Just that we have to be so on the ball dealing with all aspects and manifestations of dementia as they arise.

Ruddy draining and heart breaking isn't it?

And this is why I often give a wry grin when folks assume someone has dementia when all they have is slight memory loss. I want to shout Enjoy their company NOW in case your suspicions are correct, cos that stage can last for years. Or not, as the case may be.

Thinking of you both. X

[SheWolf]

Daylily,

I feel your pain! I know how obsessed and pushy dementia sufferers can get, once an idea takes hold in their head.

My father (84, middle stage dementia) has had similar episodes, where he's demanded cash for various reasons, then has been given the money, only to lose it soon afterwards. My father is in a care home and his wallet/cash often ends up in the wash. (The cynical side of me says it surely isn't that hard to check/empty his pockets before washing them, but that's a side issue.) Anyway, I've stopped given him cash now, but instead have given his bank card to him, which placates him and makes him feel that in theory he could pop to the bank anytime. I withdrew most of the cash first and the changed the PIN number, so there's nothing much for any dishonest person to get hold of (the staff all seem lovely, but you never know). So, do you think that tactic might work for your husband?

You said you're a bit broke at the moment, but if your husband is adamant about having cash, would it be worth borrowing a few quid just to placate him? Maybe you have a friend or relative who can lend it to you until pay day comes around?

[daylily]

Hi,
our son suggested taking the money out of hubby's wallet and giving it back to him but that seems dishonest really and yes, hubby has got a wallet with money in, another reason I do not understand his obsession with £40. He's more than enough.
Seems to have forgotten all about it now, I'll just wait for the next thing that sticks in his mind.
I can't seem to cope like I used to, getting very tired.
Take care all
xx

[Anne001]

Not the least bit surprised you are tired. I find the delusions exhausting too, especially when I can't remember the lies I've told. Mum at the moment believes her step-father has had a baby and is upset she hasn't seen the baby! The delusions are getting more inventive!

[SheWolf]

'Mum believes her step FATHER has had a baby'?!? Yep, that's pretty damn inventive on the part of her imagination! Some of the delusions are quite funny, from a distance. There aren't many up sides to dementia, so we have to see the positive side when we can. (Not that I'd ever laugh outright in such situations - too hurtful for the caree, but I do have a chuckle with other carers on here, it helps a bit.)

[Leo Wyatt]

Hello Daylilly.
My husband regularly has similar delusions; and I go along with them as much as possible.
Not always easy I know, but it saves a lot of agro. if it can be managed.

But ... I also try to challenge his delusions whilst, at the same time, going along with them.
This,I hope, treats him as an intelligent man, and allows him to reach his own conclusions about the feasibility of his delusion.

If, for example, he is worrying about me forgetting to put the car away in the garage, (Naturally, we haven't got a car, or even a garage) I get out my keys, and leave our flat with him - where it immediately becomes apparent, even to him, that we can't put the non-existent car away in the non existent garage.
I often wonder if, by going along with his delusions, I am doing the right thing; but friends say that they can see an improvement in his ability to cope with his dementia.

Hugs,
Leo


Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.